I’ve been trying to write this post for what feels like forever. It has been over a month now that we knew my mom needed open heart surgery but every time I came here to write about it I broke down at my computer. I think this surgery is the reason why I haven’t written here very much lately. I feel stuck.
Just typing it out – my mom needs heart surgery – is so scary to me.
When we first found out I was not okay. I could not stop crying when I thought about the day she would go into surgery. I cried myself to sleep the night we found out. I think it was more shock than anything. My mom is only 67-years-old. How can she need something like this already?
For the longest time I have been in denial that my parents are getting older. I think it’s because they are always busy and stay active and have never really had any big medical issues. My mom hasn’t really had any symptoms of aortic stenosis. But apparently, her artery has been closing in for some time. We just didn’t know it.
I believe that God gave my mom a warning sign. She was in the garden last summer and temporarily went blind in one eye. She went to the emergency room and tests were ordered. It is believed that she may have had a mini stroke caused by a blood clot. This is something that happens with aortic stenosis. But don’t you think it was a sign? I think everything happens for a reason. And although it’s scary I’m glad she found out and can actually do something about it!
If she doesn’t get it done her risk of sudden cardiac death is high. Well, we just can’t have that risk floating around! Nope, my mom is too precious to this family. My mom has A LOT to live for. She has five beautiful, young grandchildren, all of whom love her dearly. She also has four daughters, all of whom want her around for a long, long time.
She is the matriarch of our family. Her role is so important in bringing us all together for family reunions and gatherings. I will never forget the way she cooks a turkey or ham or her famous noodles for holidays.
Or the way we all sit around the kitchen table, talking and laughing and sharing memories.
I have to believe that more of these special times will happen. I have to believe it because my mom needs us all to believe it.
I can’t tell you how anxious I am. I know my mom and my whole family are waiting. Waiting for surgery day. I just want the surgery to be done so she can recover and we can all move on with our lives.
If you’re a praying person – please think of my mom tomorrow morning as she goes into surgery. Please pray for the doctor. We have the best heart surgeon in the city, but pray for his wisdom and for steady hands.
Pray that she makes it through the surgery with no issues or complications. Pray that her recovery would be smooth and that there would be very little pain.
I love my mom. I know that chances are very good that everything will be fine and the surgery will be successful but that doesn’t make this any less difficult.
She has always been a support to me through everything in my life. She has always lifted me up when I was feeling down. She’s the one who sat on the edge of my bed when I was in my early twenties. She sat there while I cried and told her that no one would ever love me. That I would never find my soulmate. She’s the one who told me that my prince charming was out there waiting for me. And she was right. Mine was a broken heart fixed. And hers will be too.
Thanks, mom, for always being a beacon of light in my darkest of days. I love you.