My blog title probably sums it up fine. I don’t know what to say right now. I have written three blog posts. They will never be published. I went back and read them all and none of them seem the least bit coherent. Maybe that’s because my brain isn’t working correctly right now. Something is definitely not right with me, health-wise. I think I’ve worn myself down. Maybe waited too long to get to the bottom of my symptoms. I waited and stalled thinking the dizziness would go away. It has to go away. It can’t last forever.
August 16, 2009 By
I had my appointment with my ear nose and throat doctor last week. What a nice woman! It was so great to have someone come in and sit down and really listen to every single symptom I’m having without heading toward the door before I’ve finished a few sentences. She seemed genuinely concerned. At one point I became very emotional and broke down crying. She quickly handed me a tissue. Her manner was very comforting. I asked her, “Please, will you help me?” She said, “I’ll do my best.” I was there for two hours. They gave me a hearing test. I’m still deaf. No big surprise there.
She couldn’t find anything but doesn’t like the sound of my symptoms. The best part of the whole appointment was her telling me that she believes me. I got the feeling that other doctors thought I was making this whole thing up. I’m not. She gets that.
She came back into the office, sat down on the little black stool and wheeled over close to me. Cutting to the chase she tells me that she scheduled me for an MRI of the brain. It’s on Tuesday. I am nervous. She also gave me a referral to see a neurologist. I asked her why. She tells me that the combination of my symptoms could be a number of things . . . including MS. This is the part where I completely lose it. She says that it’s not certain and she cannot diagnose me. But she doesn’t want me to stay in the dark about things. She knows I’m tired of not knowing. That’s why she is ordering the test.
I don’t know what to say. Multiple Sclerosis? Correct me if I’m wrong but isn’t this a death sentence? I’m not sure it was the right thing to tell me. I will be anxious to rule that out. Hopefully quickly. I’m 30-years-old. I’m a mom. This won’t happen. I just have to have faith in God that my symptoms are something else. They have to be.