You know that thing they call the “corporate ladder”? Well, I just stepped off of it and got onto the “Mommy Ladder”. I resigned from my job on Thursday. After six months of working myself to the point of utter physical and mental exhaustion I decided I had had enough.
Most people would probably think it’s a non-profit so how stressful could it be? Just add a micro-managing, power hungry, overly-demanding volunteer to the mix and you’ve got your answer. I was expected to work nights and weekends and the stress was unmanageable. No one there had kids and they were not understanding about daycare pick-ups and doctor’s appointments. That is unacceptable.
I wanted to be that woman who wakes up at 6:00 a.m. on the dot, puts a perfectly ironed suit on and drops her perfectly dressed and well-mannered child at daycare whilst still arriving to the office 5 minutes early.
See how unrealistic I am? The very first day I dropped Landon off at daycare was a nightmare. It was pouring down rain. He cried all morning long but because I felt pressure to be at work on time I didn’t stop what I was doing for 1 minute to ask myself, “Why is my child who never cries crying?” I had no time to dry my hair and threw my clothing on without glancing at the mirror.
We stop at the doggie daycare to drop Roxie off. Have to get Landon out of the car and wrestle an over-excited pug into the building . . . in the pouring rain. Two minutes later I’m strapping Landon back into the car seat and am already completely drenched.
It’s Landon’s turn . . . I check him into daycare. Go into his classroom and talk to his teachers. I’m telling them things I know that they don’t need to hear. Obviously stalling. Landon is still crying when I leave. I shut the door behind me and immediately start bawling my eyes out. I get in my car and finish crying all my make-up off.
I drive 30 more minutes to work. Step inside the office and realize that there was a meeting that was supposed to start at 9:00 a.m. Everyone is standing there. My intern walks up to me and whispers, “Did you know your skirt is on wrong side out?” I look down and holy shit, she’s right. It’s very obvious and I look ridiculous. I bolt out the door into the bathroom. Cry some more. I look like hell but I don’t have any make-up to reapply.
I think I had known since June that this job was not going to work out but that day reaffirmed it for me. As it turns out, Landon was sick that day. But I was too worried about getting to work on time so I wouldn’t be yelled at to even notice. When I found out he was sick that was it for me. There is NO WAY I am ever letting a job come before my son. He is and always will be my #1 priority. Lesson learned.
The bottom line is I can’t work like that. For six months my family, my health and my home have been neglected and last week I reached my breaking point. We parted nicely and I feel peace and relief. Yes, I’m worried about finding a new job. But I always do. I know that everything will be okay.
I’m just going to spend some time catching up with my son. I can’t wait to spend every day with him for awhile. I feel so much better already!