The bump @35 weeks, 1 day:
Just for comparison’s sake . . . my 36-week bump with Landon . . .
What do you think? Bigger or smaller . . . lower or higher? Kind of fun to compare the two pregnancies! Personally, I think my belly with Landon was smaller and lower!
I had to skip week 34 due to the recent tragedy in our family. Things have been busy and difficult, to say the least. The visitation for my cousin was on Wednesday and the funeral was yesterday. There are no other words to say than . . . it sucked. Bad. I have cried a lot of tears and lost a lot of sleep over the past week and I know the stress is not good on me or the baby. But I still felt it necessary to go to both.
I’ve never seen anything more sad than a little boy who is smiling and laughing at his mother’s own funeral because he has no idea what is going on. Maybe it’s better that way, I don’t know. All I know is that it made me think about my time here on earth and how lucky I have been to have all of this time with my precious boy. I have soaked up every last hug and kiss from Landon and Naaman this week.
My out-of-town sisters came back for the funeral so we are all four spending some time together. It feels good to have my entire family together at a time like this.
Unfortunately, I think the stress has done a number on my pregnant body. I already wasn’t sleeping that great. This unexpected loss has only added to the insomnia. I wake up and look at the clock. It’s 3:00 a.m. and I’m wide awake . . . just thinking and sometimes weeping silently. Of course what comes next is contractions and tossing and turning to try to find a comfy spot to fall back asleep. It hasn’t worked and I wake up tired and in a zombie-like trance for the rest of the day.
I had an OB appointment on Wednesday afternoon right before the visitation. I told her about the recent stress and the contractions. Told her they were painful and I have been very crampy all night long. She wanted to do an internal. I am 1 1/2 cm dilated and 50% effaced. If I were a first-time mom I might take this to be a good sign. But since this is exactly how things went with Landon I’m not hopeful for an early debut. In fact, I’m guessing he’ll be right on time at somewhere around 40 weeks. Doctor thinks that he might be just a tad bit larger than Landon (who was an average 6 lbs, 14 oz at 39 weeks) but not by much. And even though I’m really uncomfortable at this point I’m okay with waiting. These last 5 weeks (or less) will fly by, I’m sure.
I had many internals with Landon and none of them ever hurt. But this one was different. It hurt like a mother trucker!!! I bled afterward, which I know is normal. But I’m pretty sure I am now losing parts of my mucous plug with every bathroom break. It’s not that alarming to me. The same thing happened very early with Landon and I still ended up being induced so only time will tell . . .
I have dropped a little but not enough to help me out in the breathing department. I dropped very early with Landon and never felt this kind of feeling. The feeling that someone is standing on your lungs and you can’t take a deep breath! I had a coughing attack the other night and really could not get enough air. And there is no position that brings relief. So I’m just waiting for baby B to drop a bit lower so I can take a nice deep breath. At this time I wheeze like an 80-year-old man with asthma after walking up a small flight of stairs!
We have our hospital tour (since I’ll be giving birth at a new hospital this time) and breastfeeding class next Wednesday. Lately I’ve been feeling pretty okay about breastfeeding not working out. This is a far cry from how I felt awhile back when I wrote this post. I guess I’m just not that worried about it. If it works, it works. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t. But I refuse to spend weeks or months feeling guilty this time. I guess I’m just more realistic about it because I know what a challenge it was for both Landon and I. We’ll just gather all the good info we can and I’ll try my best when the time comes. I think what has helped me let go is that Landon is a beautiful, healthy and smart child and he was formula fed. I’m just so over feeling bad about it!
Well, that’s the pregnancy round up folks. We’re really in the home stretch now. I am anxiously awaiting baby B’s arrival with 34 days left or less! Gotta get that hospital bag packed!