I’ve noticed a trend in the blogosphere. It seems Mondays are reserved for blogging about weight loss. I can support my awesome friends who are on their own journeys to healthy lives but I can’t join in because, well, I don’t need to lose weight. I don’t say that to brag. But I do think this needs to be said . . .
Skinny does not equal healthy. At least, not in my case it doesn’t.
As I write this, I am sick again. Last Tuesday my throat started feeling scratchy. By Wednesday it was worse. But on Thursday I woke up feeling better than I had in months. I woke up early, which never happens anymore. I always hit the snooze button no less than four times and usually end up late to work, looking flustered and sometimes wearing clothing that doesn’t match. Unless navy tights match with a black dress. No? I didn’t think so.
For some reason, all of Thursday was spent feeling energized and being productive. Until I got home and the sickness that was hiding around the corner like Ashton Kutcher with an MTV film crew, came around and punked me right in the immune system. I’ve been sneezing and coughing and feeling miserable ever since. I had been well for three weeks. Yes, just three weeks ago I was sick. I had a mere 21 days of feeling okay. Just okay.
This is not acceptable anymore. Not at all. I have been sick just about every two to three weeks with something since Brigham was born, which was TEN months ago. It is completely depressing that I expect to be sick again even after the plague of the moment blows over. I could write it into my Outlook calendar. The sicknesses are now more dependable than my monthly lady troubles.
I guess I shouldn’t be that surprised.
I do not exercise.
I do not eat a healthy and balanced diet.
I do not get enough rest.
I am stressed.
I am overworked.
I take xanax instead of being all zen and stuff.
I wish I could say this is the first time I have felt like this. But I have been down this road before. When Landon was 10-months-old my physical and mental health went downhill quickly. By his first birthday I was planning on leaving my job because I could not handle the stress anymore. I was suffering from debilitating panic attacks, excruciatingly painful migraines and a severe case of vertigo, which led to numerous specialist appointments and an MRI to find out if I had a brain tumor.
Actually, these terrible symptoms were mostly due to an over-dosage of an anti-seizure medication prescribed to treat my bipolar disorder. Thankfully they were all eradicated when I stopped the medication. But I also lost my job in the process. I had to quit because the side-effects of the medication had ruined any chance of future success in that company.
The stress did not help. It is a chain reaction.
Too much stress has always led to my inability to use healthy coping skills to jump the hurdles of life. And what comes next is not pretty. Can I just say this now? I cannot allow myself to get to that bad place again. I will not allow myself to get to that bad place again.
The stress might look a little different now. My current job is a lot more forgiving than my last one but the pace is starting to pick up. I feel like I could easily fall apart again. Of course, I am not taking the drug that nearly fried my brain two summers ago. But I still don’t feel like I’m at a safe place.
There are a lot of triggers for my depression in the coming months. There are a lot of old memories creeping up on me. What changes can I make that will keep me from falling? I have always been interested in the following:
Acupuncture
Meditation
Yoga
Clean diet
Vegetarianism
Vitamins and/or Natural Supplements
But I do not know which one to try first. Do I jump into these new lifestyle changes and risk failure? Because if I am being honest, I would probably do each one for about 2-3 weeks. Then I would abruptly quit and go back to being me with the added guilt trip of quitting yet another “project” I started.
I have finally figured out that this is why I never start anything new. Because I know I will quit before any real difference could be seen. But if I am committed to leading a healthier and happier life why do I feel stuck? Stuck in the same old place, with the same old unhealthy diet of fast food? Spending each day just getting by. Yuck. I don’t want this for myself. I don’t want this for my family.
This is no way to live. My body is literally SCREAMING at me to do something about it. But how do I help myself?
I don’t know how to change.
Hey, dear! I am JUST now really getting into yoga and meditation (mostly the meditation part) but I’m more than happy to chat with you…shoot me an email. (mom-nom (at) hotmail (dot) com) I’m hoping to post a yoga and meditation post tomorrow or Wednesday, too. I think the combined effort of meditation (which I still need to learn a LOT about) and eating healthier could really work wonders for you. Let’s chat!
Tiffany @ MomNom recently posted..I’m taking over Fourth of July Sorry- America Medifast- Week TEN
Well, I will be the first to share that Vegetarian also does not equal healthy. Although it totally should. But I eat WAY too much bread and pasta. That being said, I’m up for a recipe swap or just sending recipes your way if you want to try some new stuff.
Stuff like this stresses me out too – when I want to make a change and so much is involved that I don’t even know where to start. It’s overwhelming and then I end up doing nothing.
My suggestion would be this: start yoga now. Find a class at your gym and take it twice a week or so. Just get into the routine and build from there. Also, start making your diet healthier, but don’t necessarily completely change the way you eat. Do you eat breakfast? If not, start. If so, make sure it’s something healthy. Have a green smoothie with some peanut butter and honey toast. Right there, you have every food group covered and you’ve got an awesome start to your day. Do that for a few weeks, then take another step. You’ll have a routine down in no time!
Kristal recently posted..Tidbits
Twitter: CourtneyKirklnd
says:
I agree with you…skinny doesn’t mean healthy. Not in the slightest. I do Yoga and Pilates and always find myself feeling rejuvenated and relaxed afterward. I’ve battled PPD and the only thing that brought me out of it was choosing to push through it and a lot of understand from my husband and friends. Depression isn’t easy [and I totally sound like a commercial when I say that]. Hugs! Hope you get to feeling better and more like your REAL self soon!
Courtney K. recently posted..Back to the Basics- Word of Mouth Marketing
Twitter: Looking4MyHappy
says:
I know how you feel.
I’ve had phases like that. I felt like my poor body was falling apart with all the sickness and fatigue I was going through at one point.
That was when I also decided to “eat clean”. Then, I turned it into such a ridiculously hard ordeal that I ended up stressing myself out over it even more! Why must I be this way?
Anyway, I know how you feel. I really, truly know.
Valerie–PPD Turned Bipolar Mom recently posted..Secret Mommyhood Confession
I agree with Krystal… just take baby steps. If you try to do too much at once, you WILL get overwhelmed and set yourself up for failure. I’d start by just adding a good multivitamin and maybe a probiotic daily. Easy. Then try to just improve your diet a little bit… cut out one “bad” thing at a time while adding in one good thing… like cut sodas and add one serving of a fruit or veggie a day. Krystal’s smoothie suggestion is a great one… easy, yummy, fast, and super healthy… and you can blend it up and take it on the go. Take it easy on yourself, friend… you’ve got a lot of balls in the air, and making a lot of huge changes will only stress yourself out further. Baby steps, I tell ya.
((HUGS))
Kimberly recently posted..Matthew – 3 months and James – 2 1-2
Twitter: bebehblog
says:
I would second (third?) the suggestion of yoga. In college, when I was really struggling with disordered eating I took a yoga class on a whim and it made a HUGE difference in my mental health. Find a class that focuses on slow poses and deep breathing with a nice meditation session at the end and make going every week a priority. Once I started to enjoy yoga I started to make other healthier choices more easily – there’s just something about an exercise that focuses on being so aware of your body that makes you want to take better care of that body as a whole.
Actually, I really need to take my own advice and get myself into a yoga class ASAP. Being constantly sick or just getting over being sick has totally zapped my ability to be a happy person for the last few months.
Suzanne recently posted..23 Months
I know this feeling.
I live it.
My baby is 11 months old Saturday.
Depression and PPD have a lot to do with my lack of energy and love of life.
Exercise would help.
Eating better hasn’t.
I’m thinking of you!!
Keep fighting to get well
Leighann recently posted..Who I am Today…
I wish I had magic advice to make you feel better, but I don’t. I have no advice.
Instead, I wanted to tell you that the line about being “punked” by sickness is one of the best sentences I’ve read in weeks. I laughed and then I was in awe. What a great, relatable way to express yourself!
I teach journalism. So, you made a writing professor smile.
Does that make you feel better? No? Huh, ok, see the beginning of my post. I have no advice
In 2007-2008 I lost over 80 pounds, and felt better than ever… just being at the gym each day really made me feel so good and confident. You’ve probably heard it a million times but working out releases “endorphins” into your body which is a natural way to make you feel happy!
Ditto everyone else’s advice… baby steps, my friend! The fact that you want to change is the first step, so you’re already on your way.
<3
Megan recently posted..One fine day
Twitter: penbleth
says:
I hope you find some way to do what you need to do for yourself. You deserve to be well and healthy and happy. Best wishes to you.
Penbleth recently posted..Help! My daughters have been body-snatched!
Molly,
I sent you a facebook message….
Love you!
~Savannah
For posts like these … the blogosphere is so much for posts like these.
When there is pain, there are so many caring people willing to come forward and say … I was here, I can help, I am here for you.
Bloggers are special, we take care of our own
Love yourself, and take care x
I so agree with you – at one point in college, I was 157 lbs at 5’11″. I was THIN, but I lived off popcorn & beer. I was horribly depressed & slept 18 hours per day. I was miserable.
I’d take it one step at a time, slowly but surely. Starting out with yoga/meditation sounds awesome.
Blair@HeirtoBlair recently posted..I’m a nerd & proud of it
I write this as I am munching on buttery microwave popcorn, so I am not even going to address the eating better idea. But I can vouch for yoga, it is tough in the beginning, but so worth it. I always felt fantastic and I did not get any headaches. I had to stop when I got pregnant due to doctor’s orders and now I get the worst tension headaches. Now that the baby is one I would really like to start practicing again.
30ish Mama recently posted..Day 29- Something I hope to change about myself
It might not be failure so much as you haven’t found the right things that resonate with you yet. And you won’t know til you try. It also might be that there are things holding you back that you haven’t figured out yet. Sometimes we sabotage ourselves without meaning to (more on that in my recent post, lol). Maybe your reason for not trying these new things is not because you “never stick with things” but that you BELIEVE you never stick with things, and that thought creates the reality, or maybe there’s a deeper underlying root. Like you said in your Monday change post, you have what you think is a “benefit” from staying in the rut. You have to believe you’re worthy of the changes and then be so sick and tired of your present situation that you are really READY for the changes. In my experience, that’s when the changes happen and you stick with them as your new lifestyle.
I’ve been a vegetarian for about 2-1/2 years, and it feels awesome. For me, it wasn’t that hard because I never liked meat that much to begin with, and I broadened my eating horizons enough to try new things I never would’ve tried before, so I have plenty of variety to satisfy me without getting bored with it. Going veg is as healthy as you make it, though…I mean, you can eat fries and cheese pizza all day long and be unhealthy. So you still have to make smart choices, but without meat in the equation, it’s much easier to make those smart choices (largely because your fast food intake will decline). Vitamins can also make a difference. I haven’t tried acupuncture myself, but we’ve had it done on our dog, and he’d fall asleep every time because he got so relaxed…sounds good to me!
Jenarcissist @ the closet narcissist recently posted..How to turn around self-destructive thoughts – Part 2
Can I jump on the yoga band wagon? And, at the risk of sound all kinds of freaky, have you tweaked your meds? I found, looking back, that when I was sick alot, I was also in need of med changes/different meds. But yoga . . . oh, lovely yoga!!
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