I wanted my life to be extraordinary. Some fantastic magical story of success that is eventually made into a movie.
Fourteen years ago, after playing my last high school band concert, I stood with a microphone in my hand. I had confidence. A bounce in my step. No wrinkles on my face. I had a cute scarf tied around my neck and everyone was watching. Waiting. Each senior got in line to say what their plans were after graduation. Those who went before me would be doctors, lawyers, soldiers, teachers, nurses, fashion designers.
And then it was my turn.
I stood on the precipice of my future with eyes staring back at me from the bleachers and younger students burning holes into my back.
“I am going to be a writer,” I said.
There it was. Said so matter-of-factly. There was no question. No quiver in my voice.
I meant them, those bold words that fell off my tongue. I’d been saying that sentence to anyone who would listen my whole life. I had known for that long.
Like that little girl who plays with her dolls and knows she will be a mom. I sat with a pencil in my hand at six-years-old writing stories. There was the one about a deaf girl inspired by my hearing loss. And the one about my grandmother’s death. I still have them. They are saved in a brown moving box resting safely in our unfinished basement. Right along with poems about ex-best friends and ex-boyfriends and how alcohol got the best of me and how I finally found the man who would stand beside me for all my days. The saddest times of my life. The happiest times of my life. Every emotion and experience I’ve ever had.
That sentence. Saved in a box. Never opened. Never read.
There weren’t any students that stood up and announced they wanted to sit at a desk all day to make sure their checks cleared. There weren’t any students who declared they wanted to master potty-training their two-year-old or create a blog that a few select people and friends will read.
I wanted my life to be extraordinary.
And it is.
But not for the reasons I thought it would be.
I don’t live in New York City in a brick-walled loft. There are no red-bottomed shoes in my closet. There aren’t happy hours with martinis in my hand or cross-country book tours where I read an excerpt from my best selling novel and blush at the standing ovation. I don’t have the life that I thought would bring me pride.
Instead . . .
I get oodles of open mouth kisses from a baby that I grew in my belly.
I clap and wipe the toilet every time my son goes potty sitting on the adult toilet.
I sit in a hand-me-down rocking chair and sing to my baby until his forehead is sweaty.
I catch twenty pretend kisses that my toddler blows my direction after tucking him in.
I chase monsters away from behind bedroom curtains so my son is not scared.
I sleep beside a loving man who gives me a safe feeling that I haven’t felt since before leaving for college.
If one day someone asked me if my life is extraordinary or ordinary . . .
I would tell them it is ordinary. But look at all the extras God gave me.
I didn’t announce that I wanted any of what my life is now in my naive senior speech.
But I got it anyway.
I already am a writer. I always have been.
But I am more grateful for the extras I didn’t see coming.
Twitter: bebehblog
says:
You are not just a writer, but a beautiful one. What a fantastic post.
Suzanne recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: Toddler Photos Edition
Twitter: momgosomething
says:
THis made me cry…but good tears. I think I spend a lot of time thinking about what could have been when I should be focusing on what is now…and now? Is pretty freaking awesome. Kids are amazing.
PS. I think it’s why us writer Mommy’s blog no?
Kimberly recently posted..In The Morning
Great post!!! We often forget all of the extras that God has given us. Thank you for reminding me!! Brought tears to my eyes this beautiful Kansas morning!!
Kristen Erickson recently posted..Spaghetti face
As one six year old writer to another, you are most definitely a writer. And extraordinary.
This post is gorgeous.
Love love love this. Thanks for that reminder of the extras we’ve been given today.
Megan recently posted..Weekend recovery.
I would definitely agree that your life is extraordinary. How lucky are we that our lives turn out the way God intended and not the way we plan for them!
Diana @ A Little Bit of Life recently posted..PYHO – Jellybean’s Story
Twitter: FarewellStrangr
says:
This is beautiful. I love that you feel you have what you want plus the extras – what a great way to look at it.
MamaRobinJ recently posted..Today I Couldn’t Do It
So sweet. None of us could have imagined these mom lives, I don’t think. But, we’re blessed that we have them!
Shell recently posted..A Lesson from Five Year Olds
wow, molly. fantastic writing and something about motherhood and marriage we can all appreciate. never expected to be where I am today, but where i am is awesome!!
julia recently posted..Top Five Tools for At-home Workouts: #3 & #2
Twitter: worthdasqueeze
says:
Molly…what a beautiful post! You may not be exactly what your 18 yr old self had imagined that day, but I think you realized what you’ve become is even better than you could have dreamed!
MrsEyeCanSee recently posted..Things that go bump in the night
I’m so glad I found your blog! This post struck close to home. I’ve always loved to write, and when I was younger I told my family and friends that I wanted to be a novelist when I grew up. Now I’m all grown up and still don’t have a manuscript. But this post made me so thankful for the things I do have. Thank you!
Meghan recently posted..vacation weekend…
Molly, this really touched me. You absolutely ARE a writer, and I really think it’s one of the BEST things to be… because you can be a writer and still be so many other things, too! Like the wonderful mom that I KNOW you are.
We have a lot in common, ya know? Except you’re just a little further on your jounrey than I am. But I, too, have always known I would be a writer, and was pumping out stories and poetry for as far back as I can remember. It’s so fun to go back and look through them all. I will probably be a mama within a few years, but as long as I have the ability to write, I think I’ll be ok with that. (blogging helps too, eh? kind of satisfies a writer’s need to be “heard”)
By the way, I’m 5’1 and 3/4. Don’t forget that 3/4. Every little bit counts when you’re a midget such as I.
Jenni recently posted..Meet the new girls!
Wow. I am in awe. What a beautiful honest post. It reminded me of David Foster Wallace’s 2005 commencement address at Kenyon College where he tells graduating seniors they do not yet have any clue what “day in day out” really means. He goes on to tell a story about a guy who is overworked at his job, whose daily tedium and meaninglessness surpasses the imagination of any of the graduates. He then tells them it is up to them to change the way they think and:
“the real value of a real education, which has almost nothing to do with knowledge, and everything to do with simple awareness; awareness of what is so real and essential, so hidden in plain sight all around us, all the time, that we have to keep reminding ourselves over and over.”
Your post is a perfect example this.
Stopping in from the tea party.
Savvy Working Gal recently posted..Technology Woes
Hi Molly, came by from the Blog Hop this weekend and I am now follower #69 thru GFC! I also went ahead and “liked” you on Facebook. The pics of the kids are so cute. Great sounding name also and something you won’t forget because who can forget Hollywood. Looks like you are just starting out and all I can say is work the blog hops and you will have tons of followers in the next couple of months. I would love a follow back, too, when you get a chance. I know it is a holiday weekend, so no big rush! I and my blog are not going anywhere no time soon. See ya later!
Mary@http://www.mmbearcupoftea.com
I’m so glad to know that for you the glass is half full. I like to surround myself with positive people and you sound like one of them, who is most appreciate of the life you live. These things happen. We start out with visions, dreams, and they get sidetracked by reality. Doesn’t mean it’s bad, just different. Anyway, sounds like you’re on the right path.
Just stopping by from LBS today. Hope to see you at BlogHer conference!
Oh what beautiful writing. I feel the same way. My life isn’t how I thought it would be 10 years ago…it’s better=)
Found you on Spotlight Saturday
Bethany recently posted..Sisterhood Everlasting
What an absolutely amazing post! So uplifting and inspirational. I wrote a similar one once but you said it so beautifully! You have a wonderful writer’s voice (and that picture is *WOW*!
LBDDiaries recently posted..More Adventures in Freakiness
Your blog looks so neat! I am following you from the Spotlight Saturday blog hop.
this is breathtaking.
i am in tears.
and it’s not just b/c of the pregnancy hormones—it’s because i can relate so much to what you’ve written here.
extraordinary. so glad to have found you through the Red Dress Club!
Erin Margolin recently posted..What Does Your Daughter See in the Mirror?
This post was AWESOME! I am so happy to have met someone not afraid to tell the world I AM A WRITER…and P.S. don’t throw out my poetry! I was born with a pen in my hand, too. Having a love of writing is hard to explain to others who hate to do it. I come alive when I’m writing. My soul soars when I’m writing. And I cry when my daughter brings me a poem to read that she has written. Thank God it’s in her blood! Come visit my post. I would love for you to stop by
This is very sweet. I bet there are a lot of us who feel the same way you do
This is just beautiful! I was much the same as a teenager and had big dreams. I went to college and got my degree, but my career choice wound up being out of my hands. Only in the last few years have I gotten back to writing, and it’s because I chose to stay at home with my daughter. She was our miracle after five years of trying, and she makes everything worth it.
Thank you for sharing!
Stacy Green recently posted..Jane The Ripper
It’s like your speaking my thoughts. Amen…That was me, that is me (except a bit older than you I think!)
Thank you for the post!
LOVE this post and totally relate to it. I just wrote something similar yesterday that you may relate to. http://cherylshireman.com/1172/one-mothers-fantasy/
Our children truly are the best work we will ever do – our greatest accomplishment. I wanted to be a writer, too. And have met some success in that goal. But – my kids are still my greatest accomplishment. Nothing I ever do will be as important. If we could all just realize that! Thanks so much for this post. Going to RT it now!