When I think my morning is hard

 

The other day, getting Landon to preschool was a nightmare. He woke up yelling that he wanted his scooter. He wouldn’t put on his clothes. He wouldn’t brush his teeth. He kept screaming and crying for his scooter. And at 6:00 a.m. I just wanted peace. I wanted silence. I wanted him to cooperate so we could get going and I wouldn’t be late to work.

At one point, both my kids were crying. Landon, because he desperately wanted to ride his blue scooter inside the house and I told him no. Brigham, probably because he was being ignored as I tried to get Landon under control.

I started the car and thought to myself, only ten more minutes until I can drop them at daycare and hear silence. I was tired after staying up too late trying to fix my phone that wasn’t working properly. I was pissed about my phone. I was pissed that I often have to listen to constant whining.

When I got to work I pulled up my google reader to catch up on a few blogs before I went to work answering emails. And then I saw it. The news that baby Tripp went to heaven.

Reluctantly I pulled up the blog and read about Tripp’s struggle the last few days before he met Jesus. I looked down at my phone and thought, God I’m stupid. All I want is for this mom to be able to hold her sweet boy again. A boy that shouldn’t have had to go through what he went through with this terrible, unfair disease. And a mother who never ever should have to go through saying goodbye to her son. It was like someone suddenly hit me in the stomach with a hammer.

Most the time I say I’m grateful for what I have. For two beautiful and healthy sons whose biggest struggle is not being able to ride a scooter inside the house.

But really, I’m just selfish. Selfish for wanting silence when it’s NORMAL for kiddos to make noise and have tantrums. Selfish for counting down the minutes until I can drop him off at school and drink my coffee uninterrupted.

When I read things like this, my heart physically hurts. I just don’t understand. I guess I can’t possibly understand God’s plan. Because I’m not meant to have all the answers. I’m not home yet. Home is heaven and it’s where all the answers are. I have to wait until my time comes.

But one answer I do have is I need to practice grace and patience and to be grateful for every single second God gives me with my children. I need to not take things so seriously. So I’m 15 minutes late to work. So what? What matters is that my kiddos are happy when I leave them. And they can’t be happy unless I’m happy.

When I got home that night, I went to find the blue scooter that Landon had begged to ride earlier that morning. I picked it up and set it down in front of him in the kitchen.

“Go for it, Landon,” I said.

He rode his scooter happily while yelling at the top of his lungs. And I smiled because I had the chance to make it right.

Some moms won’t ever get that chance. I need to remember that.

 

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Comments

  1. Sara T. says

    Molly, I feel this way often. Mornings are crazy at our house (and I only have one!). It’s so easy to get angry and lose site of how blessed we truly are to have crazy mornings with whiny, healthy children. You are not selfish… you are human. I know of too many parents who have lost children. I try my hardest to remember them when I am at the end of my rope. At bedtime when Abbey will. not. go to sleep I get so frustrated. But then I lay down with her, touch her sweet little cheeks and pray that God keeps her healthy and safe and thank Him for giving me such an amazing gift. Then I go have a glass of wine… ;)

    • says

      I am the same way, Sara. The day may be hectic but I at bedtime it’s my favorite time. They tend to be a bit calmer and I’m able to appreciate everything special about them. It doesn’t matter how crazy they make me – I still love those little guys with all of my heart and soul!

  2. Steph says

    I am new to your blog and have never commented before but wanted to thank you for this post. Your post described what’s been on my heart the past few days and it’s so nice to hear I’m not the only one who has mornings like this. Thank you for a beautiful and honest post.

  3. Valerie says

    Being grateful for what we have is a wonderful thing, but so is acknowledging that we aren’t perfect all the time.
    Being frustrated one morning doesn’t mean you’re selfish at all. It means you’re a mom. And you’re real.

  4. says

    I get caught up in the petty, too. Things that seem so BIG at the moment, but really- compared to what others are going through, I shouldn’t say a word in complaint.

    But, I’ll never understand God’s plan when things like this happen. I have a very hard time grasping that there is a reason for it all.
    Shell recently posted..Pour Your Heart Out: Crying Over Burnt Eggs

    • says

      I know, Shell. First I get really sad. But then I tend to get angry when these stories pop up. I know I shouldn’t question why things happen. Because that can make us crazy. But I just don’t understand why there is so much pain and suffering in this world. Especially when it’s an innocent child. Ugh.

  5. says

    Thank you for this post. We are going on day 5 of no-school (teacher work day plus 2 snow days) and I’ve been yelling at the kids more than usual. You’re so right, though: kids are meant to play and be noisy. I needed this to wake up a little and start thinking of ways to take advantage of our togetherness and be more grateful.
    Molly recently posted..My waffle: shade for laundry room

  6. says

    Oh, I’ve followed this boy’s story – as a friend of mine has a daughter with the same disease. So painful, so much for a tiny child to deal with.

    We all have had mornings like yours. If not, we’re lying to ourselves and/or others. The key is that we can take a step back and be thankful. We’re good moms, who are grateful for our children. Even when they irritate us.
    MommaKiss recently posted..January 17.

  7. says

    It’s hard to remember the big pictures sometimes, when those little things grate and grate. I want to enjoy every moment, but there are some I just don’t, and then I read about something like a mother losing her little baby, and I feel so terrible :(

    I know I can’t question it, but I can’t help it in my heart when I think about families being separated like that :(

  8. says

    Thank you for this. I just put my almost two year old to bed after a VERY long day being cooped up in the house with him because of a snowstorm outside. He tested my patience over and over and over again. I was almost in tears trying to get his pajamas on. But after reading this, I am looking back on the many hugs, snuggles, and laughs we had today. So thank you, for reminding me to be grateful that I have this beautiful, stubborn, hilarious creature to have and to hold.

  9. Anna says

    Molly, you are like in my head! Having 3 kids – you can imagine mornings what a chaos is in my house! Therefore I started to practice Yoga and helped me a lot. Now I am not practicing but I meet every morning challenge easier and with a smile!
    Anna recently posted..porcelain crowns

  10. says

    Molly, I could relate to each and every word you said here. I had also read about Tripp’s struggle.. It was an amazing journey and I really admired the way his mommy kept on trying to give the maximum she can to Tripp, I know in the end it was really painful. In a way we are fortunate that we dont have to care for any other things besides our work, day to day life and kids!

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