Last week, when I posted my first vlog, I received this anonymous comment:
When I first saw it, I was shocked. I quickly logged into my account and sent it to the trash. I’d like to say that I brushed it off and it didn’t affect me. But I promptly left work, drove to chick-fil-a and inhaled their waffle fries to make me feel better. So I *may* have been a little upset even though I didn’t know who this person was. That’s the world wide web for you. Sometimes the internet itself can be ugly.
I’ve had some time to think about the word ugly. It prompted me to search my blog for photos of me. To find out what exactly it was about me that might be ugly. What did they see that I don’t. But I noticed, there are very few photos of me. I constantly read other blogs with women proudly showing off their beautiful faces.
Some are wearing glasses. Some are sporting a messy bun. Some are tall and some are short. Some are smiling and some are staring off into space. Some are a reflection in the mirror. Some are round with a growing life inside of them. And some are round because that’s who they are and they aren’t ashamed of showing it off. I love these women. The ones dripping in bravery. The ones embracing their differences and loving themselves.
It took the word ugly being thrown my way for me to realize that I’m not exactly owning what I look like or who I am.
Well, this is who I am.
I’m 5′ 4″
I wear glasses most the time
I have light blonde, naturally wavy hair that is often frizzy
I have a mushy tummy because I ate too many donuts while housing two beautiful miracles in my womb
My nose has a bump on it, a trademark of my German heritage
My eyebrows are often overgrown
My fingernails are jagged from my bad nail-biting habit
I have moles on my skin because the sun is not my friend
I like fast food a little too much
My eyes are small and blue like the Greek sea and I am proud to share this exact color with my son Landon
I have wrinkles on my forehead from thinking too much
I am emotional and reactionary and I over-analyze everything.
I don’t think of the word ugly as an adjective anymore. I think ugly is a verb. Something people do. Being mean to someone is an ugly thing to do. Calling people names is being ugly. And doing it on the internet, never owning up to who you are? Well, that’s uglier than all the rest.
I’m Molly. I am not a ten.
But I know I’m not a zero either.
I am somebody. Somebody who is beautiful, inside and out. It’s time I start believing it again and showing off the beauty for everyone to see.