what’s next?

Sometimes I worry that life will always leave me wanting.

When I got engaged, I threw myself into all things wedding-related.

When I got married, I threw myself into all thingsĀ home buying.

When we bought a home, I threw myself into planning our 1-year anniversary trip.

When we started trying to conceive, I threw myself into all things baby-related.

When I got pregnant, I threw myself into nursery planning.

And so on and so forth.

But now things have finally settled down.

We’re not looking for a house or planning a trip or expecting a baby.

We’ve been married five years. We had two babies and are now raising two happy, growing sons. We sold and bought a new house where we will hopefully stay for a very long time. We’re not planning a trip any time soon.

I’m antsy. I’m twiddling my thumbs. I’m trying to figure out what to do with this seemingly settled life.

I just want to be happy for what I have.

Does anyone know the path to find peace? Does anyone know where the planning ends and the acceptance that this is my life begins?

I know things can change in an instant, good or bad. So I’m trying to be grateful for the calm during the storm of life.

But I feel stuck. What is next for us? What is next for me?

Please tell me that I’m not the only one who feels like this.

 

 

linking up with Shell to celebrate two years of Pour Your Heart Out!

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Comments

  1. says

    I feel like this all the time… It’s so hard to just slow down and BE for a while. I am in a particularly silly “mid-career crisis,” as I’m 6.5 months pregnant, and really NOT in a good place to switch jobs! But I can only imagine how antsy I’ll be in the fall when I have a baby, toddler, dog, house, husband and job… and am realizing “OMG I HAVE NOTHING ON THE HORIZON!”
    Caitlin MidAtlantic recently posted..Who Let the Dog Out?

  2. Mrs. Edberg says

    Hi Molly! I think this feeling is pretty natural, and for a do-er, it is especially hard to stop and smell the roses. Usually when I am feeling that I should plan something, I set up more time to volunteer or a regular date with friends. Just something to fill the calendar a little bit. I hope you find your path to peace!

  3. says

    Ha.

    You are not alone at all.

    I think it is interesting that in the past that you kept busy planning things. The spouse tells me that I have too much free time on my house and that is why I stay depressed/sad/worried about something or another. He says I need to keep my mind busy so I am not looking for things to be depressed, sad, or worried about… I wondered if it really is that easy… now after reading your blog I wonder maybe it is?

    Off to find a hobby! :)

  4. says

    Oh Molly, I feel the same way. We are TTC again, and that has given me a new focus, but after that I wonder what will be next? I’ve always kind of enjoyed the journey more than the destination, like if I have plans to go to a concert, I like the planning, and getting there, but really DON’T enjoy being there.
    Kiara Buechler recently posted..How I’m Doing

  5. says

    I’m learning that, sometimes, what seems like a bad thing on the surface or even feels like a bad thing in my head can be used for the Kingdom of God in a powerful way. For example, I used to beat myself up because–if something was wrong in my world, and particularly if something was wrong with one of “my people”–I couldn’t “let go and let God.” I reckoned that this reflected a serious control issue: that something was seriously wrong with me. But I’m realizing: it may be more important to make good decisions w/ my unrest than to find peace. I can choose to turn into a prayer warrior. I can choose to become a huntress of scripture…to proclaim the promises of God w/ my mouth. Anyway, I’m thinking there’s a great need for Planners for Jesus. It sounds to me like you have a gift that needs directed. Maybe you could coordinate Vacation Bible School, a Good News Club, etc.? Pray about it! :)
    Brandee Shafer recently posted..Everybody’s Fine

  6. says

    I can totally relate to this. I’m such a planner and have to have something to currently be consumed with. My husband is in the Air Force and we are still waiting to see if we will be moving from Seattle to NJ in June… and we won’t find out until the beginning of May! I can’t plan for anything right now :(
    Stephanie recently posted..Meal Planning

  7. says

    Oh Molly, I know just what you mean. I’ve felt that way too. With two little ones under the age of 4–vacations feel impossible and way out in the future. My house is pretty much as I want it. So we’re in a place that I think we’re going to be in for a while. And I’m someone who likes change! I think recognizing that we feel that way is good b/c then we can work out those feelings. For me, I recently joined a couple of moms groups to make new friends and have more activities in my life. I decided that this can be a season where I work on relationships.
    Brandy recently posted..So What Wednesday!

  8. says

    good for you for recognizing that you need to step back & enjoy this moment of calm. always waiting for the next thing to happen usually results in missing what is going on right now. but? if you need to keep busy, there’s always home redecorating, crafting, dieting/getting in shape or volunteering! those are the things that keep me busy when i need something to occupy my brain :)
    amy@agoodlife recently posted..our week by iPhone – week 70

    • says

      Thanks, Amy. I really really WANT to decorate. The only thing that stops me is the budget. There is a brand new Home Goods opening like 5 minutes from my house and I am dying to go over there and just buy everything to my heart’s content. But I have to realize that the high of shopping doesn’t last long for me. I need to do cheaper DIY projects. I have a lot in mind but it’s finding the time to do it all!

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