I just finished reading Ann Voskamp’s One Thousand Gifts. If ever there was a book that rocked me . . . this would be it. It had been recommended to me for over a year. I finally purchased a copy and held it in my hands waiting for an epiphany.
Only a few pages in and I had to grab my pen. I started marking paragraphs with a star that spoke to me. Because I quickly realized, this is a book I should read more than once. This is a book I should reference when life seems like too much. And lately, it does.
As cliche as this sounds, I have had the weight of the world on my shoulders. A month ago I found something on the internet that shook me, haunted me and worst of all, made me question my faith in God. I won’t go into detail. It would make you sick. But I will say this much. Since finding it I have spent many nights in absolute desperation. Crying out to God to please stop the pain and the agony that is going on in this world. I have asked him for understanding. I have asked the age-old question. Why God? If you are really there how can you let this happen?
I have always been sensitive. More sensitive than most people, I think. Sometimes I let the world’s problems fall on me. When I feel I can’t do anything about it I get sad. Deeply sad. It’s safe to say that I grieve. I grieve for people that I don’t even know.
After two weeks of crying myself to sleep I called my therapist. I went in the next day desperate for her to make it better. She confirmed that I am experiencing a grief reaction. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t think straight. All I wanted to do was help. But the problem is thousands of miles away. I felt helpless, useless and hopeless.
And so entered the book. This is not a review. No one is paying me to say this. But it is a life-changer. Dare I say it? A life-saver.
Gratitude. It’s as simple and as complicated as that.
Be thankful. Count your blessings, however small. Because it is all a gift from God. Every little thing.
The dirty dishes in the sink. The job that keeps me away from my kids. The injustice happening all over the world. No matter what is happening – God is GOOD. Always.
I have to believe that. I have to thank Him. Give glory only to Him. Everything I have. Everything that I am. It is because of Him.
He blesses me in the mundane. He blesses me in my sadness. He blesses me in the busyness of an imperfect life.
I feel better knowing that.
I just have to try harder. I have to see. Every day, see.
This is what it’s all about. The believing.
I can’t pretend to understand His plan. I have to stop trying so hard to understand His will.
I just have to trust. When I do I feel better.
Sometimes I hesitate to write about God and Jesus on this blog. I’ll be the first to tell you that in 2006, when I started this blog, I swore I would never write about religion. I thought it was weird.
But He had other plans for me. Our glorious God waited patiently for me.
This blog is mine and spirituality is becoming a big part of who I am. Whoever thought that when I am having a bad day I would learn to pray about it? Oh, amazing transformation. If this makes you uncomfortable, so be it. It helps me. It gives me hope. Who could fault me for trying to find a little hope in this topsy-turvy world?
I was struggling. Struggling in my head and in my heart. But I can let go now.
Because He’s there.
And in the words of Ann Voskamp . . .
THANK YOU.
Tears.
I love your heart, Molly.
Megan recently posted..Hello Monday.
Thank you Molly. I’ve been having a hard time lately, and while I am not usually the book buying type (I prefer borrowing from the library since I don’t like to read things twice) I am going to order this book now.
Kiara Buechler recently posted..Vacation Deprivation
I want to read this book NOW. Thank you for sharing, Molly.
julia recently posted..38 weeks: A Watermelon
I too want to read this book. I have a feeling it will help me in many ways as it’s helped you. God is good, and sometimes we have to realize the hard times happen to teach us something, or create something better, or make us grow more as a person or stronger. I’ve felt it myself in the things I’ve been going through the past few months – I have grown, even though it’s been difficult in many ways. But I am grateful for the blessings I do have in my life, and that when I think it’s too much to bear, I can turn it over to my God so He can take care of me. I just have to be willing to do that – turn it over to him. Thanks for sharing!
Suze recently posted..Growing Up So Fast
yeah, so not easy but SO important to always look for the positive in things. we have so much around us & yet we rarely take a moment to stop & thank God for it or to be grateful. it’s really all we can do
amy@agoodlife recently posted..twenty-eight weeks. bumpdate!
Twitter: momgosomething
says:
Sometimes I let the world’s problems fall on me. When I feel I can’t do anything about it I get sad. Deeply sad. It’s safe to say that I grieve. I grieve for people that I don’t even know.
Yes…me too friend. I don’t know how to disconnect myself from it. When I go online support groups I get swept up…I feel I am obligated to do something….I haven’t watched the news since 2008.
I must read this book.
Kimberly recently posted..Today Is May 5th
I wish I could articulate how much this post touched me. It made me cry and start to worship God and be so thankful. So THANK YOU for writing this. I too struggle with sharing my faith on my blog, but after the year I’ve had, I have a feeling that I’ll be sharing it a lot more, talking about things I’m wrestling with. Beautiful post. Keep believing.
I got this book last month and need to sit down and start reading it. I am more a library user than a book buyer lately, but my friend convinced me that 1) I had to read this book and 2) it was the kind of book that sometimes takes a week for you to process through one chapter, so it was a good buy.
I get overwhelmed by the world’s problems sometimes and have limited my news consumption because of it. A friend of mine who can also be a worrier shared a Dar Williams (folk singer) song with me called “The World’s Not Falling Apart (because of me)” and when I’m having an anxious day sometimes it helps me put things in perspective a little better.