Sometimes I feel like a circus act. A one man show. I’m out there in the spotlight constantly. All eyes on me. Waiting for me to fail. Waiting to judge me for dropping the balls that I’m juggling.
Sometimes it’s too much. Working, daycare drop-offs and pick-ups, dinner, baths, brushing teeth, bedtime stories and songs and in the morning . . . it starts all over again.
I know this is life. I have to accept it. These years are fleeting and I try to enjoy the time I do have with my boys.
But my mind is so muddled with what I can’t get done or what I didn’t get done. And all the responsibilities pile up and I shut down. My brain literally shuts down. Which is no good for anyone.
Sometimes I feel like I really cannot continue to do it all. Lately I’m feeling like it shows. Like people can tell I’m not happy or that I’m carrying a heavy burden.
I just want to be excited about life again. I want good things to look forward to and knowing that I can accomplish everything I’ve set out to do.
First and foremost is being a mom to my boys. These boys who have stolen my heart (and sometimes my head).
I can’t let my sadness or worries get in the way of my love for them. This job of being a mom can be difficult. But I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
If my life is a circus act then I have to keep juggling. Even when the only applause comes from two sweet boys who really do love their mama.
linking up with Shell for Pour Your Heart Out.
Twitter: momgosomething
says:
Our boys depend on us….so we move forward with them…no matter what it takes.
Kimberly recently posted..He Is Always Paying Attention
I can’t tell you how many phone calls I’ve gotten, lately: “Are you ok? You don’t seem like yourself,” or, worse: “Are you angry with me?” It doesn’t make me want to work harder to act (or seem) happy (like I WANT to be unhappy); it makes me want to avoid people.
I’ve been trying to focus on the things I can control, so my house is a little bit cleaner than normal (not clean), and I’m getting caught up on laundry (still have a giant mound to go). Of course, I have the luxury of being home all day, which helps.
I’m sorry you’re feeling overwhelmed but glad you’re continuing the juggle. It’s a good choice. It gets weird when the balls start falling and hitting people on the head. I’m not so good of a juggler.
Brandee Shafer recently posted..A Different Sort of Prayer
They are so cute on their bikes! I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling so overwhelmed, and I hope all those balls in the air become a little lighter for you soon.
angela recently posted..Fingers Crossed
Continue to juggle, friend, and we’ll continue to be here for you and cheer you on as you go.
Megan recently posted..A change: week 1
Twitter: terrellfamfun
says:
Cute pictures of the boys riding their bikes. I feel like I get stuck in the same daily routine as well, and don’t make the most of it. I’m trying my best to break out of that and soak in all hte happiness of toddler-hood! Keep juggling and things will go great
Thanks for sharing!
Heather recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: Silly in the Morning
It’s all so hard to balance, isn’t it?
Shell recently posted..Things They Can’t Say about Summer