I notice my legs and arms are tan. This never used to happen when I worked. I was always inside. Typing and analyzing the day away. Only to emerge nine hours later. Tired, whittled down . . . white.
I gave my kids what was left of me. Smiled for them even though I wished to be between cool sheets. Minutes away from sleep.
Now I’m not working. And I’m still tired. But it’s a good tired.
I knew the exhaustion would still be there. Stay at home moms have the hardest job in the world. But at least now I go to sleep thinking of my happy family. Instead of wondering what I’ll have to force myself to do the next day.
It was a lazy morning. A jammies until noon and cereal for lunch kinda day. I let the boys do things they’re not supposed to do. Like climb on the back of the couch and play basketball with the ball hurdling toward our fancy dining room table.
I wonder what it would be like to have the freedom to always be a stay at home mom. I know it’s not possible for us. At least not right now.
We were getting so close to having our credit cards paid off before I lost my job. Now our plan had to abruptly stop.
We’ll start it up again soon. Pick up where we left off. Finish what we started, damn it.
Our boys will be better for it.
Will I be better for this break in being a working mom? Will I learn to appreciate the time I do have with my family before it’s time to go back?
I sure hope so.
It’s nap time and it’s quiet and I’ve got a lot of straightening up to do before the boys wake. Soon it will be noisy again.
Soon I will be tired again.
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