We’re creeping closer to the end of my dental assisting course. I only have three classes left and then I can supposedly get a job doing this. But last week I made a mistake.
After I assisted on a procedure I took the instruments back to the lab to sterilize them. I couldn’t remember how to take apart the syringe. I knew I should have asked for help. But instead I started fiddling around with it and ended up stabbing myself in the thumb with a used needle.
I immediately panicked and started crying. The dentists comforted me and told me it has happened to them. It happens to everyone. But it was too late. I was already beating myself up as well as worrying about what diseases I could contract.
This past Saturday the teacher pulled me aside in class and asked how I was doing.
“I’m okay,” I said. “I’m sorry I got so freaked out.”
“Molly,” she said, “You’re good at this. But your one flaw is your lack of confidence.”
And there it was. One sentence summing up my life.
I am not confident in myself.
I started thinking back to my high school days. I remember feeling so light. I asked out boys without hesitation. I won music competitions in a room filled with people. I excelled in forensics doing dramatic interpretations. I have many medals that now sit in boxes at my parents house. Medals that prove I was confident at one time.
In college my confidence began to disappear. And after college, when I began adulthood in the real world, there was really nothing left.
I’m not sure why or how this happened. But it did.
I just don’t know how to get it back. Maybe my high school confidence was naive confidence. I had nothing to lose. My whole life ahead of me. Now I feel like it’s already too late. Every mistake I’ve ever made has culminated into one huge disappointment. I’m disappointed in myself.
I’ve thought about it a lot since my teacher told me my one flaw. I know she is absolutely right.
Where has my confidence gone? And how do I get it back so I can succeed in this one life that I’ve been given? How do I get it back so that my boys know what it is to believe in themselves?
I have to find it again.
Twitter: gooddishesuser
says:
I, too, tend to dwell on the things I’ve done wrong or the mistakes I’ve made. It really takes a lot of ‘self talk’ for me to work myself out of it. I’m not sure what it took exactly, but I do know that as I get older, each year I find myself having more confidence and worrying less about my mistakes It seems obvious and silly, but I really do think it helps to recognize that EVERYONE makes mistakes. A lot of them. Some of them worse than yours!
And you know, you really are quite an incredible (and flawed, just like everyone else) woman!
Carol-Anne (Use The Good Dishes!) recently posted..I’m Back!
Twitter: payettepigtails
says:
I’m always in awe of your writing. You may not realize it, but just putting your thoughts out so candidly for the whole blogging world to read takes a lot of courage and a fair amount of self-confidence. So I’d say you’re on your way. Maybe you can reflect at the end of every day and find one thing you did really well, even if it’s really small; perhaps the act of acknowledging it will help. I think we often overlook all the amazing things we do daily because we see it as part of our “grind,” but the reality is as moms we’ve figured out how to juggle a heck of a lot — and that’s worth noting all on its own.
Laura recently posted..Natasha: 2-1/2 Months Old
We tend to beat ourselves up for mistakes we make and forget to celebrate all of our successes. Hope you find your confidence again!
Robbie recently posted..Long Live Summer
Twitter: AlisonSWLee
says:
I think it’s in there somewhere. You just have to dig deep. Believe in yourself!
Alison recently posted..Inertia
Chin up, mama. You can find your mo-jo again! I have confidence in you!
julia recently posted..A Day in the Life | Maternity leave with two kids edition
i totally think that is it- you are so smart and so on your game- just lacking the confidence in yourself. you have so many attributes- I love you girl!!
Molly recently posted..Busy boys
I am the opposite of you. In high school I didn’t have much confidence. I felt like I was flailing about, not sure what I was doing, or where I was going. Now I finally feel comfortable in my skin. Perhaps it is being a mom that made me realize that while I can’t control everything, I can love someone more than life itself, and that is very empowering.
Molly, listen to your instructors, they see that you are good at dental assisting. If it is something you envison yourself doing, build off their confidence in you. Good luck with whatever you choose to do!
Kiara Buechler recently posted..Friday Letters
I think I have more confidence now than I did in high school. I went to a small private high school where everything was about competition, etc. I didn’t feel good about myself for a LONG time after I graduated. Actually…up until I started working at a hospital doing something I enjoyed and met my husband.
Hang in there mama. WE all know you’re fabulous!
Courtney Kirkland recently posted..Little Bitty Toys Review & Giveaway
Confidence is one thing I’ve been lacking in my life as well. I didn’t have it in high school, but once in college I sort of figured out who I was, and after college, I just remember feeling very good about who I was, and what I was capable of doing. In recent years, however, I have come to doubt my abilities, question my worth, beat myself up over little things, both at work and in my personal life. Some days I’m good. Last week I was asked my opinion on something at work, and gave it, and it turns out no one else was thinking what I was thinking…and everyone responded, “wow, we were not even thinking about how that might impact what we’re trying to do!” I’m hoping that was my turning point to rebuilding my confidence, even a little at a time. I felt good that I’d spoken up. but there have also been times where I’ve spoken up, and my advice/comment was ignored or brushed aside, but later on it turns out I was right…of course, the folks who I told that to would never admit that or tell me, but I did gain some satisfaction in knowing that I am good at what I do, and that there will always be some folks who just can’t admit when they are wrong or you were right. Just like with kids there are phases they go through, I think there are phases in our own lives where we have these ebbs and flows with our confidence, or who we want to be. I don’t like it, but I’m determined to believe it’s part of the process and journey to get us to our next step.
Suze recently posted..Right On the Money
You know what helps me most? Remembering that–good, bad, or somewhere in the middle–there’s no one else like me. God made me for certain purposes that no one else can fulfill in the same way.
Brandee Shafer recently posted..If You Like to Talk to Tomatoes
You have so much going for you, Mol. I hope you can find your confidence again soon. It’s so hard when you look around and always see someone better… but that’s the thing, there will ALWAYS be someone better. We (and totally talking to myself here) have to see ourselves for what WE offer to the people around us, and realize there’s no one else quite like us. And somehow learn to walk in the confidence that the Lord has given us.
Hugs to you!
Megan recently posted..Feeling defeated.
Good luck my friend. I know you can find it again. I think it’s sometimes adulthood that gets us down a little, knowing how much failure can happen and hurt. I keep thinking I need to find my abandon again. I KNOW how failure feels, and I’d like to know how success feels but I won’t figure it out if I stop trying.
angela recently posted..Camping With Kids – Essence of Now