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Happy 3rd Birthday, Brigham

Every time I start to write another birthday post I have to stop. Breathe in and out. And admit that no matter what I do my kids will grow up.

Brigham is no exception. He’s growing up.

Today our Brigham is three-years-old. Another awesome year passed and a new one is on the horizon.

I could write so much about him. But instead I will say . . .

I wish you could hear his laugh. When he really gets going it sounds like a witch’s cackle and it’s hilarious. It makes me laugh when he laughs. Sometimes he laughs for no reason other than just pure happiness spilled over.
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I wish you could see how silly he is. He has always been a very silly boy. He makes up words. For real. He has his own language. He makes up songs too. I’d like to believe this is all done for my enjoyment. But I think he’s just an entertainer!

I wish you could be there when he flashes one of his famous eye-squinted smiles. He smiles so big, like he is proud of who he is. I hope he never loses that feeling. I hope he always smiles, teeth showing and chin sticking out.
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I wish you could hear him sing the alphabet song. Or twinkle twinkle little star. Or the power rangers song. This child is full of pure joy. And he is a joy to be around.

I wish you could witness one of his tantrums. Whew, boy. They are something. We coined him “drama baby” when he was first born. He has quite the flair for drama. I’m glad his tantrums are few and far between because when they happen – they are the sort of tantrum that makes you throw your hands up in the air and sigh. You just have to wait a few minutes and then he’s a cool cat again. But like I said, they are something.

I wish you could feel his sweet hugs. Every mama and daddy deserves to be hugged like this. Although he is a little boy now, in preschool and everything, he still seems like such a baby to me. I suppose he will always be my baby no matter how many birthdays have gone by.
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I wish you could hear him whisper, “I love you.” Those words make every day worth living for me. I feel so lucky that I’m the one who gets to hear him say it every night. I’m so lucky that I’m the one that gets to retrieve his lost elmo before he closes his eyes.

I wish you could see him with his big brother. He wants nothing more in life than to be just like him. I watched them as they played together outside the other night. Landon hoisted his foot up on a rock and seconds later, Brigham did the same thing. I hope they grow to always love and respect one another. Right now, there are quite a few squabbles. But at night they stand at their bedroom doors and say, “Night night, buddy.” Then they hug in the middle of the hallway, usually knocking each other down in a fit of laughter. Seeing them together fills my heart so full of love.
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Three years ago today I was holding an hours-old, brand new Brigham in my arms, thanking God for giving me another precious gift.

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And today, although he’s a lot bigger than that first morning we spent together, I will do the same thing.

I will hold him and thank God again. His third birthday and every day that follows.

I still don’t have to say mid-thirties

Today is my birthday. I love birthdays! What better way to mark the occasion of your birth than with a cake full of calories and presents to open.

I’ve always loved being a December baby. I get to open packages twice in one month! Today I’m taking the day off of work. I think there will be a big breakfast. Bigger lunch. And possibly the biggest dinner. I like food.

Anyway – I’m not ashamed to admit it. I turn 34-years-old today. But I still don’t have to say I’m in my mid-thirties. Nope, that comes next year so just hold your horses everybody.

Here is a random picture of me. Guess who took this picture? Landon. Not too shabby for a four-year-old. Don’t you remember me telling you that I needed to post more photos of myself. Well, here you go. It’s glorious, isn’t it?

Happy 34th Birthday to moi.

 

Birthday Fun

 

Landon’s birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese was so fun! Since I bought the birthday package they treated him like he was super special. They told us that he would have the chance to get into the ticket blaster and grab tickets. When they said it I assumed that Landon would never get in there and do it. But my boy proved me wrong! Just look at him. He’s having the time of his life!

Happy 4th Birthday, Landon!

My Dearest Landon,

I swear you just turned three yesterday.

But here we are on your fourth birthday. I am so excited for all the growing up you’re doing.

After the day is over and we are having mommy/Landon cuddle time in your bed, I always tell you how proud of you I am. It’s true. I’m so proud of you.

I’m proud when you brush your teeth all on your own. I’m proud when you go potty without me present. I’m proud when I find you reading a book. I’m proud when I see you protect your little brother from the big kids at the bounce house. I’m proud when you tell me 2 + 3 = 5. You’re becoming a little boy right before my very eyes. I’m so proud to have you as my son. For every day of my life that you’re with me, I am more blessed.

As sad as I am for the days that are now only a memory . . . I can’t wait to see what this year brings us. The next step is always so intriguing for a parent. Your first year of preschool went well and you met all the school’s goals for learning.

But you still sometimes say you can’t do things. Every time I hear you say “I can’t” my heart aches a little. Because I know YOU CAN, buddy. You can do anything you try hard enough to do.

You’re such a handsome boy. I know I may be biased but those rich blue eyes get me every time. Never forget that exact eye color from me.

You’re as rough and tumble and daring as ever. I’m still holding my breath on the playground hoping you don’t lose more teeth. But I know, to a point, I have to give you the freedom to go out on your own. I try not to hover but sometimes it’s hard. I just want to protect you. Little perfect you.

Three was tough in the tantrum department. But (knock on wood) things seem to be calming down a bit. I am ever so thankful. People tell me that four is one of their favorite years. I want four to be a year of love and laughter and little boy discoveries. We try to do new things with you. Broaden your horizons. Teach you about the adventures hidden in library books and the wonder of the great outdoors. I want you to explore both inside and out.

You’re finding out who you are in these young years. I watch your eyes and I know how smart you are. I hope we encourage you to do anything you want.

Thank you for the son that you are. The brother that you are. The grandchild, the nephew, the cousin, the friend that you are. Everyone loves you so much.

At night, before you close your eyes to sleep, I say, “Guess how much I love you.” You hold one palm up above you. We taught you that. Only one hand because then . . . our love never ends. Infiniti. Nothing will ever stop my love for you.

Happy 4th Birthday, Landon. Now let’s see you blow out four candles.

 

Briggy’s 2nd Birthday

It has already been two weeks since his party but better late than never. All three of my sisters got to be at Briggy’s second birthday party, which made the day extra special. It was a small party with family only. Turns out that’s the way I like parties now. Low key and limited guest list. But it was just perfect! We did a Clifford the Big Red Dog theme. Not much to go off of for that theme but Briggy loves Clifford so I was bound and determined to incorporate him somehow.

Here is the only halfway decent photo of our family. How do people get good family shots? I mean, really. HOW?

Birthday boy Briggy blowing out the candles!

Brigs got lots of good loot. Tons of matchbox cars, which are his favorite. He didn’t want to put them down.

I posted awhile ago on my blog that I was doing a Clifford themed party. That day I got an email from a local blog reader who owns a party rental company. She offered me the Clifford costume at no cost! So sweet. See this blogging gig does pay off from time to time.

The best part of the whole party was when the kids heard a knock at the door and opened it to find CLIFFORD himself!!!

Landon got up on the table to hug him!

Brigham was timid at first . . .

But by the end he and Clifford were fist bumping.

Here’s the best shot we got of Grandma and Papaw with all five of their grandkids, princess Charlotte now included.

It was another great birthday party with many wonderful memories made!

My Brigham is 2-years-old

You were born in the wee hours of the morning on May 2nd. It was 2:22 a.m. to be exact. It felt as if I had waited forever for you to arrive. Labor began at 7 a.m. the day before. I writhed in pain during the last hours of labor. You, stuck in the wrong position, kept butting your head against my tailbone. I remember breathlessly repeating to anyone who would listen . . . I just want him out. I just want him here. Please God let it end.

I remember pushing so hard for you. Pushing until I felt like my head would explode. I closed my eyes tight on the last push. And then I heard someone say, “Open your eyes, Molly!”

When I did there you were. My beautiful baby boy. I don’t know why but I immediately exclaimed, “There’s my little stinker!”

You were seconds old and I already knew you. I knew your personality. You can definitely be a little stinker sometimes. But we love that about you.

Your first year was not easy. You were sick a lot and had ear tube surgery at only six months due to severe double ear infections. You wheezed and coughed and sneezed for most of your first year. I remember holding you in my arms when you were teeny tiny. I would gently rock you back and forth while you cried uncontrollably. I would lean into you and say, “Mama’s gonna win this battle. Mama always wins.” I knew you needed sleep and I did anything and everything I could to make it happen.

I recall that I once went outside into the black of the night and allowed the singing of crickets to lull you to sleep. It was my idea. And it worked.

But on your first birthday (and consequently the day that we moved to our new house) it was like someone flipped a switch. You slept through the night for the first time ever. You woke up with a huge smile on your face every morning. You no longer wheezed and coughed and sneezed. It was a new year and a new you!

Your personality started to shine. You are so curious. So playful. So spirited. So silly. I knew you would be strong-willed and stubborn at times. That’s how you were born, after all.

But oh, Brigham, how you make us laugh. You do everything your brother does. I know you’re not supposed to be able to do these things yet but you do them anyway. Because that’s who you are. You refuse to be left behind.

At two-years-old you can jump up and down, lunge off of couches and do somersaults. You walk up and down stairs with no support. Pedal a bike with no problem. You seem much older than you are. You can’t stand to feel left out and are a very determined little guy.

You try to repeat everything we say. You just recently started sounding out the alphabet. I feel so much joy when I hear you talk.

When I say, “I love you,” you reply, “too, mama.” My heart soars.

You love anything with wheels and you call police cars and fire trucks “woo-woo” trucks because of the sounds they make when they go by.

You adore reading. Even when I’ve read you five stories you still say, “more books, mama.”

Your newest smile is a crooked one, with teeth showing and cute squinted eyes. It’s your special smile and I love it.

At night, after I lay you in your crib, I lean down and put my arm through the crib slat. I stroke the hair that hangs on your forehead and watch your eyes get heavy. I tell you how special you are and how proud of you I am for all you are learning and doing.

This year with you and your brother has been amazing. I can’t imagine how much more fun we’ll have in the months and years to come.

I thank God every day that I’m the one that gets to wake up with you in my house and in my heart.

Happy second birthday! All the love in the world, my silly little Brigham.

waking up.

My alarm goes off. I hit the snooze button, a reflex I’ve perfected over the years. I hit it multiple times because once never completely wakes me.

The third time it beeps, I finally flip over with a sigh and peer out of the covers with just my eyes. The sun does the same on the horizon. I don’t like waking up before it is light outside. It just feels wrong to me.

The kids beckon. I hear them hoot and holler down the hallway. Such enthusiasm for another day.

Something tells me to look out the window. I see the white snow freshly pressed across the earth. I put my face close to the window and blow hot breath onto the glass. In the silence, I make a wish. Because it’s my birthday today.

Another year, come and gone. I’d like to believe I get better each year. That I become more with age.

Although it hasn’t always been easy . . . my years have shaped me. They’ve made me uniquely who I am.

As I run my fingers through the cloud on the window I feel certain that everything that has happened to me was supposed to happen. It may not have made sense before. But it does now.

My soul stirs in that thought until Landon rounds the corner to find me.

“Come here, bud,” I say, “It snowed on my birthday.”

“It’s your birthday, mama?”

“Yep, it sure is.”

He kisses me on the cheek and we start another day.

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Drive-by blogging – 2

1. I only have to write 4,900 more words in the next four days in order to be a #NaNoWriMo winner! I kinda can’t believe I’m going to finish this. Truth be told? I never in a million years thought I would complete this challenge. But as it turns out I really do love writing :)

2. Black Friday scares the shit out of me. I fail to see the draw. Lost sleep? Pepper spray in the face? Long lines? People hitting me with their carts? Really not my bag, baby. I know there are those that love a bargain and the thrill of the hunt. But at 4:00 a.m. the day after Thanksgiving you will always find me happily asleep in my bed.

3. My work Christmas party is this Friday. I am going to wear the same dress I wore for our wedding rehearsal dinner five years ago. It kind of saddens me that I don’t get to buy a new dress but then I remembered, this was a REALLY nice formal dress from Nordstroms and I only got to wear it once! It deserves to be worn again. I’m excited for a fancy night out with my man.

4. The car ride to and from Grandma Connie’s house was what I call a nightmare. Landon and Brigham have started this new thing where they scream back and forth at one another. Landon gets upset that Brigham is screaming at him so then he screams back and this continues until I want to a. cry or b. throw myself out the window. Happy Thanksgiving to me.

5. I am suddenly on this get-shit-done kick. Like if I can do one thing I can do ALL THE THINGS. Ahhhh, confidence. I knew you were there somewhere.

6. I started reading romance/chick-lit novels and realized they’re my favorite. Shhhh, don’t tell my literature professors, mkay?

7. I will be 33-years-old in eight days. One would think this meant that acne would be far behind me, locked in the high school memories bank. But that’s where you’re wrong. Acne LOVES my face. It has come back to visit and I don’t know when it is leaving.

8. Consequently, this December will be ten years since I graduated college! Holy crap, folks. I can’t believe it was that long ago that I was a sorority girl waiting for her life to begin.

9. Naaman asked me what I want to do for my birthday and I told him I wanted to go to the T-Rex restaurant. This is where they have all kinds of fake dinosaurs and prehistoric decor hanging from the ceiling. It just made me laugh when I said it because really, I’m like a friggin’ kid again. I can’t believe I actually want to go here for my birthday. What can I say? I guess seeing my kids’ faces light up makes me happier than some fancy meal. Rowrrrrrrr.

Wordless Wednesday: Birthday Fun!

Landon’s 3rd Birthday – 08/08/11

He is three.

He is three. It’s as simple as that. And as complicated as that.

My first son. Our son who was born with an apgar score of 2. I screamed and cried as they took you away from me, blue and lifeless. We waited an hour. One whole hour to find out if you had survived your birth. And for the first time in years I found myself praying. I went to a quiet place inside myself and I found Him again. I prayed for God not to take you before I had held you. I prayed for Him to take me instead. If He was making the choice that moment. I gave Him the option. Take me, I prayed. Spare my son.

Then I looked up and saw your daddy come around the curtain. He was carrying you to me. And I knew. I knew that your second chance at life was also my second chance at life. I knew that you were my second chance at believing. Believing that I’m not alone. We are never alone.

All at once everything made sense. My past. My present. My future.

Even after three years, I still find myself saying thank you. Thank you for being you. Thank you for being ours. Thank you for making me a mama three years ago today. You’re just as precious now than you were on the day we met you.

You’re that boy who analyzes every situation. You make serious faces because you’re a serious guy. You love home. You love being with your family most of all. I sure do hope that trait sticks. You’re definitely pushing boundaries these days. We’ve had our challenges and we’ll have more ahead. But we’ll get through three together, okay Bud? You’re growing up and I’m so proud of you no matter what.

You’ve conquered so many milestones in the past year. You transitioned to a big boy bed. You sailed through potty-training as if it were no big deal.

You also grew into your role as a big brother. And although it’s not always what I would call brotherly love . . .

I know you really do love Brigham a whole lot.

In your future I see tree houses and imaginary sword fights and tents made out of blankets. I see piano lessons and soccer games and boy scouts. On second thought, I see whatever you want your life to be. I’ll try my best to make it so.

Happy birthday, to my first son. Happy birthday, to my second chance.