I’ve had something pressing on me since early April. Something that has changed me in the deepest crevices of my soul. Information that has been both eye-opening and devastating. It’s as if I’m a ball of play-doh and God picked me up and started molding me into a different shape.

One word that sometimes keeps me up at night . . .

ADOPTION

In early April I came upon a website that changed my life. It is called Reece’s Rainbow and it is a site that is dedicated to helping orphans with Down Syndrome and other special needs find a family.

As is often the case, I found this website because I was looking at another website who just happened to have a blog button with a little boy’s picture on it. It simply said, “Save Langley.” I know I shouldn’t have clicked on it. Obviously something that says that will have a sad story on the other side. But something within told me to click. And my thoughts have never been the same.

Langley is a five-year-old boy with down syndrome. He was abandoned at birth just because he had an extra chromosome. He has lived in an orphanage in Russia all of his life. He has not received the love and care he deserves. And the second I saw him I fell in love with him. His blonde hair reminded me of my boys.

I spent some time looking around at all the beautiful faces of these children on the website. Some newborns. Some preschoolers. Some teenagers who have been trapped in a crib for most of their lives. For most of these orphaned children in Eastern Europe, being down syndrome in an orphanage means that you only have a certain amount of time to be adopted. When they turn five-years-old they are transferred to an adult mental institution.

When they arrive their hair is shaved and they are put in a crib for the rest of their lives. It doesn’t matter that they were possibly learning and developing in their baby houses (what the orphanages are often called). They are taken from the only home and only people they have ever known. And they are put there to lead a desolate, lonely life, confined to a crib with no real love or affection shown to them. No hope of ever being adopted.

God knows why, but I did some research. Some of these mental institutions are the definition of hell and are not much better than a concentration camp. They don’t have enough help. They rarely feed the children. And if they are fed it is through a bottle even if they are teenagers. I found the story of a little girl who was 9-years-old and weighed 13 pounds.

They are never picked up. Never held. Never kissed. There are no toys or services or therapy. It is eerily quiet because the babies and kids have learned over time that their cries mean nothing. They can cry but no one will come. Some of these children are blind, deaf, completely unable to move. They are bedridden. Their diapers are not changed and they are not bathed so sores and rashes develop. Because of the lack of attention the children develop self-soothing behaviors such as beating their heads against the crib or biting or sucking on their hands.

It is deplorable and when I thought of it, which was often, I would end up in a puddle of my own tears. Thinking of Langley’s situation made me sick to my stomach. It got to the point where I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep and I couldn’t stop crying. I became very depressed. So much so that I think the depression was one culprit to me losing my job. I just couldn’t stop thinking about it and my thoughts were consumed with those children. The ones I couldn’t help. I was deep in prayer every night asking God to bring these babies a family and keep them safe from harm.

I read the requirements for adoption. Many of them saying that mental illness excludes you from applying to adopt. Well, that instantly left me out and it was like a dagger to the heart. It honestly makes me feel like an unfit mother. What would be so bad about having me as a mother? I could make a beautiful home for Langley or any other child. If someone would let me I would immediately hop on a plane and go save two or three or four of these hurting and neglected children. I could make a home for them and their future would be bright. But unfortunately my history with mental illness makes me ineligible to adopt.

I was finally able to get control of my emotions. I stopped looking at the website so much, which was completely unhealthy for me and I tried to focus on the positive. That there is an organization like Reece’s Rainbow out there and they are helping immensely in the fight to bring these babies home to their forever families. I donated money and that also helped me feel better. It’s the least I could do.

I have thought long and hard as to why God would let me see these children. He knows that I cannot adopt. So why in the world would He let me see these children? The ones I cannot help?

Why would He put adoption on my heart when there is most likely no chance I could ever adopt them. There is nothing I can do about their pain and suffering? For awhile I thought I would do an auction on my blog to help raise money. But I thought . . . I’m not big enough. I’m not popular enough. I thought there is no way my little blog can make a difference.

But God has pushed me. He finally said once and for all, you’re a writer so WRITE ABOUT IT. Get it out. Let others know, no matter how few will read this.

I hear you, God. I hear you.

I am writing this today for one reason and one reason only. That you would share this blog post with others. If all who read this today decide to share on facebook or twitter or better yet, with their friends and family, maybe we can soften someone’s heart to the idea of adoption. It is the holidays. Let’s not forget those children who will wake up with no family or presents on Christmas morning.

So that is what I ask of you today. It’s the only thing I can do besides pray. I ask you to take one minute of your time and share this story and the Reece’s Rainbow website with everyone you can. I ask you to look through the faces and donate to a child who captures your heart. Right now, if you donate $35 to someone’s Angel Tree fund you will get a special ornament in return.

I would move mountains to help these kids if I could. But the only mountain I have to shout from is this little blog. So won’t you please help me shine a light on these precious children?

P.S. A family has since come forward and committed to adopting precious Langley.

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