web analytics

Happy 3rd Birthday, Brigham

Every time I start to write another birthday post I have to stop. Breathe in and out. And admit that no matter what I do my kids will grow up.

Brigham is no exception. He’s growing up.

Today our Brigham is three-years-old. Another awesome year passed and a new one is on the horizon.

I could write so much about him. But instead I will say . . .

I wish you could hear his laugh. When he really gets going it sounds like a witch’s cackle and it’s hilarious. It makes me laugh when he laughs. Sometimes he laughs for no reason other than just pure happiness spilled over.
20130501-120310.jpg

I wish you could see how silly he is. He has always been a very silly boy. He makes up words. For real. He has his own language. He makes up songs too. I’d like to believe this is all done for my enjoyment. But I think he’s just an entertainer!

I wish you could be there when he flashes one of his famous eye-squinted smiles. He smiles so big, like he is proud of who he is. I hope he never loses that feeling. I hope he always smiles, teeth showing and chin sticking out.
20130501-120058.jpg

I wish you could hear him sing the alphabet song. Or twinkle twinkle little star. Or the power rangers song. This child is full of pure joy. And he is a joy to be around.

I wish you could witness one of his tantrums. Whew, boy. They are something. We coined him “drama baby” when he was first born. He has quite the flair for drama. I’m glad his tantrums are few and far between because when they happen – they are the sort of tantrum that makes you throw your hands up in the air and sigh. You just have to wait a few minutes and then he’s a cool cat again. But like I said, they are something.

I wish you could feel his sweet hugs. Every mama and daddy deserves to be hugged like this. Although he is a little boy now, in preschool and everything, he still seems like such a baby to me. I suppose he will always be my baby no matter how many birthdays have gone by.
20130501-120236.jpg

I wish you could hear him whisper, “I love you.” Those words make every day worth living for me. I feel so lucky that I’m the one who gets to hear him say it every night. I’m so lucky that I’m the one that gets to retrieve his lost elmo before he closes his eyes.

I wish you could see him with his big brother. He wants nothing more in life than to be just like him. I watched them as they played together outside the other night. Landon hoisted his foot up on a rock and seconds later, Brigham did the same thing. I hope they grow to always love and respect one another. Right now, there are quite a few squabbles. But at night they stand at their bedroom doors and say, “Night night, buddy.” Then they hug in the middle of the hallway, usually knocking each other down in a fit of laughter. Seeing them together fills my heart so full of love.
20130501-120210.jpg

Three years ago today I was holding an hours-old, brand new Brigham in my arms, thanking God for giving me another precious gift.

IMG_8175-2

And today, although he’s a lot bigger than that first morning we spent together, I will do the same thing.

I will hold him and thank God again. His third birthday and every day that follows.

Heartsick

Brigham was up early yesterday morning. Like 5:30 a.m. early. So I brought him to bed with me and put on a show for him to watch while I slept some more tried to wake up. Next thing I know he was puking on the floor and crying out for me because little ones get confused when their tummy brings it all back up. I quickly took him into the bathroom as he continued to vomit. I knew then it would be a rough day. My mother-in-law was there to take care of them. But I’m his mama. It should be me holding him tight when he’s sick, shouldn’t it?

I text my boss and told her I would be late. When really I wished I could say – I won’t be in . . . ever.

It’s days like yesterday that make me resentful. It’s days like yesterday that make me want to throw in the towel and never leave my babies ever. I didn’t want to leave. But I eventually had to make myself.

On the ride to work I was mad. Mad that my mind had to be elsewhere when really it was nowhere else but with Brigham. I started thinking of all the reasons I can’t be a stay at home mom. It is our fault. It is because of some of our stupid decisions that I don’t have the freedom to hold him when he’s sick. I sit there and I wish, I wish, I wish for a different path because this one involves working hard every day of my life. Working away memories that will never be made.

I try not to think this way. I try to remain grateful for where I am in this life. There is a reason for it. But when I think that we are the reason, well, it cuts me open because we could have made different choices. Could’a, should’a, would’a. Those kind of thoughts suck.

Before I left yesterday Brigham held onto me and said, “Stay with me, mama.”

I choked down the lump in my throat and told him I couldn’t. I left him there on the sofa and walked away heartsick and wishing.

photo (12)

Reminisce

I’ve been so reminiscent of the past lately. Specifically thinking about the boys’ births. I’m not sure why but I find myself looking back at pictures of both those days. The most important days of my entire life.

I found this gem. It was right after giving birth. The first time I ever kissed my Brigham.

IMG_8175-2

Oh, how blessed I was to be the first person to kiss his little forehead. I’ll never forget that moment. Never ever.

It’s so hard to imagine that this was almost three years ago.

Time flies when you’re watching babies grow into little boys.

Big milestones for our family

A lot of happenings for our little family.

First, Brigham is kinda sorta potty-trained. We decided it was time to try the potty chair out. A lot of people say not to rush them but his preschool wants them to be potty-trained by three-years-old so they can move up to the next class. Brigham will be three in like three months (holy heck!) and we were feeling the pressure.

When we first got the potty out there was a lot of screaming, crying and running away. We realized we were pushing him too hard. So we put him in undies and waited for him to tell us. After a couple of days (and a lot of accidents) something finally clicked in that cute little head of his. Now he tells us almost every time he has to go. We still have an issue with #2 but I just know he’s going to get it very soon. I’m so proud of him! Less diapers to buy for this family!

brigs

Secondly, we transitioned Brigham’s crib to a toddler bed. I was really dreading this day since I love that crib. I’m attached to it because of course Brigham is still a baby, right? RIGHT? Okay, maybe not. So we changed it over and he did great! Slept like a baby! No getting up in the night or falling out. He also loves it. He feels like such a big boy in it. We do plan on getting him a real bed soon when I redo his room. But this is good practice  in the mean time.

sleep

Third, I took Landon to the store because he has already outgrown his 4T pants. They are way too short on him. I think he just went through a growth spurt. So I was perusing in the little kid section and I was so confused because I couldn’t find size 5T. It suddenly dawned on me. He can’t shop in that section anymore! I got a huge lump in my throat as I ventured into the big kid section for the first time. I just can’t believe it. When you’re pregnant you never picture having a 4 1/2 year old. You only picture that snuggly newborn. But they grow up, too quickly I might add, and soon you’re shopping across the way where the big boys shop.

jeans

So, some big milestones for both my boys. It seems unreal to have a four and a 1/2-year-old and an almost three-year-old. I’m so glad they are healthy and growing. But at the same time, this mama’s heart longs for a newborn again. Oh, I love my boys so much it hurts.

I love you just like this

My dear sweet boy, Briggy.

I know it’s time. It’s time to let you grow up and be called a “big boy.”

But I can’t help it. You’re my baby, darn it. I want you to stay that way.

I know it’s time to move you out of the crib. You look ginormous in it and when you sprawl out, your body almost reaches from end to end. But I can’t bring myself to say goodbye to it. Unlike last time, when we switched Landon out and you in, there is no new baby to replace you. So down to the basement storage it will go. Oh, how sad that makes me. For more than four years I’ve looked at this crib every day. I’ve seen a baby in it. Now I won’t.

I know it’s time to stop referring to you as “baby” every time I talk to you. Your daddy says I still treat you like a little baby. And I guess it’s true. My nickname for you is “baby bear” and if you don’t mind, I’ll remind you of this when you’re 16 and 20 and 25 and so on. You’ll forever be my “baby bear.”

I know it’s time to get rid of the diapers and potty train you. I tell most everyone that I’m sick of diapers. But it’s another stage I have to say goodbye to and like everything else we’ve left behind – it hurts a little. I see you in your big boy undies and wow, I just can’t believe it’s time for this. Aren’t you still my 8-pound newborn? Don’t you still fit in my hands?

I still rock you to sleep every night in the rocking chair. We have a quick talk and I tell you how proud I am of you and then I lean back and you settle in, with your head on my shoulder. You barely fit on my lap. But somehow I hold you tight and you hang on. I sing songs and I feel you yawn two or three times.

Then you ask for your bed. That’s probably a good indicator that maybe I should stop rocking. Stop holding. But, man. I just don’t want to. Maybe I’ll rock you until you’re 10-years-old. I don’t know. A mama makes room on her lap no matter how old her babies are.

Oh, baby. My baby. Will you stay this way forever? Or how about for just a little while longer. It takes time for a mama’s heart to let go. I know I need to let you grow up a little.

But sweetness, I love you just like this. My rowdy 2 1/2 year old that only slows down when it’s time to go to sleep. I love you just like this.

Being my baby.

School Pictures

I’m not one to buy into the whole school picture thing. But guys? When I saw these? I about died from a cuteness overdose. Seriously, how cute are my kids? I ended up buying a bunch even though they are kinda cheesy. I couldn’t help myself.

 

Toddle Along Tuesday: Does Birth Order Matter?

I’m so happy to be co-hosting Toddle Along Tuesday with Melissa from Growing Up Geeky. She just had a new baby girl so you’ll want to check her out! Today’s topic is about birth order. You could talk about how you think birth order has affected your personality when it comes to your siblings or how it has affected your kids. Write about it and then come back to link up!

When I was pregnant for the second time with Brigham I wondered how he would be different than Landon. Landon was so used to getting all of our attention. How would a second baby affect his personality and would Brigham’s personality differ?

Sure enough when Brigham was born we learned that they were, in fact, very different people with very different personalities. From the get-go, Brigham let everyone know that he wanted all the attention. His screaming and screeching was evident of that. To this day, he knows what he wants and tries to get it oftentimes through manipulation.

Landon rarely ever cried as a baby. He was happy as a clam as long as he was fed and dry.

There are constant studies being done to research how birth order affects children. I googled it and found an article on parents.com that shed some light on this topic.

A few traits that caught my eye and had me nodding in agreement:

First Born:

Cautious
Controlling
Act like mini-adults
Structured
Achievers

I mean, this is Landon. It just so is.

Last Born:

Manipulative
Outgoing
Attention-seeker
Spontaneous

Again, this is Brigham. It just so is.

Aside from birth order, they say parenting differs depending on when a child is born. We say we love our kids the same amount, which is so true for me. But do we parent them differently in order of birth? I tend to think that might be true. Both my kids sometimes need separate measures taken because they respond differently to discipline.

So what do you think? Do you think birth order is a big factor in a child’s personality? Do you think you’re different because of your birth order?


This week’s Toddle Along Tuesday topic is birth order! Has it affected your kids’ personalities, or yours? Is there any truth to that philosophy in your experience? There are no rules here, except that you link up a relevant post (old or new) rather than your whole blog.



My Boys

My kids. They are just so big. Sometimes I can’t believe that I have a preschooler AND a toddler. How did this happen? Where are my newborns?

There are times when I see glimpses of what their faces looked like when they were only just born. Like when I tickle Landon’s neck. Holy heck does he look like baby Landon when I do that.

Or when Brigham’s lips pout when he’s sleeping. Or when he cries. It’s baby Brigham again.

There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t thank God for these blessings. My life is so rich. So full with them in it. They are the gifts that I open every day.

I think God for their health. There was a time when Brigham had a lot of trouble breathing. He just sometimes seemed like he couldn’t catch his breath. And the doctors told us that he might have asthma. But if you could see him now! No breathing problems or sickness. God is so good.

That I have a strong son who can do this . . .

It’s amazing isn’t it? I’m feeling so grateful.

 

 

*Thank you to everyone who read my post yesterday. My blog had the most views it has ever had with record breaking numbers visiting the site. Thank you for every share, every tweet, every kind thought and prayer sent out to these precious children. More people saw it. Now more people know their story. It truly means the world to me.

Halloween 2012

Halloween was so much fun this year! Last year, Brigham was only 18-months-old and was riding around in a stroller. This year, watch out! They are both on the loose and ready for candy!

We always go to my sister’s house and trick or treat in their neighborhood. Piping hot chili for dinner and candy bars for dessert :) I love Halloween!

Captain America, ready to save you from harm!

Gold power ranger and Captain America!

The whole crowd including my nephew Harrison as an astronaut and my niece Charlotte as Cinderella!

Naaman with Baby Charlotte.

Let’s get this show on the road!

Brigham was so into it this year. Last year he was in a stroller! But this year he could have gone to a hundred houses if we would have let him.

Trick or treat!

The policeman handing out treat bags.

Brigham enjoying his loot. He wanted to eat everything that night!

Landon chowing down on a candy bar!

Can’t wait to see what my boys will be next year!

In the dirt at dusk

It was a balmy 84 degrees with big gusts of wind that blew my hair from side to side. I heard it was going to turn off cold the next day so after dinner I told the boys we would go outdoors and savor what was left of the day. I grabbed my camera and I followed them up the street, feet pounding in front of me begging to “catch up, mama!”

I pointed to the big dirt pile, there because more houses are being built in our neighborhood. “Let’s go up there,” I said as we trudged through the overgrown grass. They jumped over and through until we came upon it. One of their favorite places to play.

They immediately climbed to the top and my mama heart had to let go a little as the crumbling dirt slipped beneath their feet.

Brigham brought his Hulk toy along with him, Hulk-smashing it while watching his brother’s every move. I envy the fact that he is still not afraid of anything. I wish I could be more like that.

The sky boasted brilliant orange and pink colors while still being overcast. It felt like we were witnessing some type of nature show.


The moon peeked out at us whispering it was time to go back inside.

I want them to grow up with dirt on their hands and cheeks and know that it’s okay to play freely. I may tense up when I notice their dusty new tennis shoes. But my heart says, let them playThey’re just kids.

Landon entertained me with poses, something that doesn’t often happen because, well, he’s four and he’s too busy to stop what he’s doing to smile at the camera.

But on this night, with the grand finale sunset spreading pink and orange across the sky, he smiled. For me. And I caught the weight of his four-year-old happiness in the gloaming hour.

Don’t ever change, I thought. Keep smiling and climbing and keep your heart just the way it is. Young and playful.

Winter is coming. It’s not far behind. But I want to remember this night. Just me with a camera. And two boys playing in the dirt at dusk.

Switch to our mobile site