It is difficult to explain depression to someone who has never truly been depressed. I can talk to you about sadness and anxiety until I’m blue in the face. And you can nod your head and say, “that really sucks” in your best supportive tone. But you may still be thinking that I’m just down [...]
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It was five years ago this month. April 2007. I sat in an empty room at my therapist’s office, gripping a pencil so tight that my fingers turned white. I answered the questions of the psychological test. Tears streamed down my face, pooling at the corners of my mouth. I hated these questions. I knew I was [...]
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I keep coming to this space. Hurriedly clicking the keyboard watching letters form words. Then holding the delete button until they’re all gone. I’m not working this week and I’ve very purposefully taken some of my “alone” time to reflect on what my life is right now. I wish I could say I’m at a place [...]
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If you don’t already know this, I’ve been busting my butt to beat a severe depressive episode that began in June of 2011. I think it’s safe to say that I’m finally in the “safe” zone as I like to call it. It took me six long months and a lot (A LOT!) of medication and [...]
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I went to see my OB/GYN yesterday (every girl’s favorite doctor). I have been bleeding for a month and finally admitted there must be something wrong. They did an ultrasound and I immediately saw the huge cyst on my right ovary. And bonus: the big one was covered with little ones! The doctor told me [...]
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My purse is hung over my shoulder. The sound of pills click clack, click clack as I walk to wherever I’m going. It’s a common sound. I carry certain pills with me always. Excedrin Migraine for the awful migraines I get as a side-effect of my anti-whatevers. Tylenol for the usual aches and pains I feel deep down [...]
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I have been blogging for five years today! The past year has been pretty amazing for me as a blogger and I’d like to share a few of the highlights! I won a BlogHer Voice of the Year award. (seriously? still in shock that this happened!) I went to my very first blog conference and [...]
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Another doctor’s appointment. Another med change. Sometimes the medicine works. Sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes it works for awhile and then it stops working for some unknown reason. This game. This game is enraging. I never have control. It’s a game of roulette. The doctor picks the number and I watch the wheel go round and round. [...]
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As I announced last Wednesday I am finishing my novel by participating in NaNoWriMo. This leaves little time for blogging. I have over 10,000 words so far. Right on track. I’m going to be honest . . . this is HARD. Mostly because it is forced. Also because I work full-time I can’t just stop [...]
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I am struggling. The depression floated away a month ago but anxiety happily swept in and took its place. It has never been this bad before. It is severe. Complete with panic attacks and heart palpitations. My body physically feels the fear and reacts to it. I have always had an issue with anxiety. But [...]
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I'm a working mama to two of the most beautiful and sweet little boys. Landon is 3 1/2 and Brigham is 21 months. Yes, I survived a stint of two under two with a baby who didn't sleep for a year. And if I ever actually realized my dream of walking down the red carpet I'm sure there would be dirt on my dress. I'm just trying not to trip over Tonka trucks. This is where I write, laugh, dream, share, cry, and hope with honesty.
