Walking the red carpet of motherhood with dirt on my dress
Today I’m excited to be over at The Happiest Mom sharing a more in-depth look at Landon’s birth. I’ve written his birth story but this goes into much more detail of how that most important day played out. It certainly wasn’t the birth I pictured but I am thankful every day that Landon is here with us, alive and healthy. His birth shaped who I am as a mother, that day and forever.
A lot of happenings for our little family.
First, Brigham is kinda sorta potty-trained. We decided it was time to try the potty chair out. A lot of people say not to rush them but his preschool wants them to be potty-trained by three-years-old so they can move up to the next class. Brigham will be three in like three months (holy heck!) and we were feeling the pressure.
When we first got the potty out there was a lot of screaming, crying and running away. We realized we were pushing him too hard. So we put him in undies and waited for him to tell us. After a couple of days (and a lot of accidents) something finally clicked in that cute little head of his. Now he tells us almost every time he has to go. We still have an issue with #2 but I just know he’s going to get it very soon. I’m so proud of him! Less diapers to buy for this family!
Secondly, we transitioned Brigham’s crib to a toddler bed. I was really dreading this day since I love that crib. I’m attached to it because of course Brigham is still a baby, right? RIGHT? Okay, maybe not. So we changed it over and he did great! Slept like a baby! No getting up in the night or falling out. He also loves it. He feels like such a big boy in it. We do plan on getting him a real bed soon when I redo his room. But this is good practice in the mean time.
Third, I took Landon to the store because he has already outgrown his 4T pants. They are way too short on him. I think he just went through a growth spurt. So I was perusing in the little kid section and I was so confused because I couldn’t find size 5T. It suddenly dawned on me. He can’t shop in that section anymore! I got a huge lump in my throat as I ventured into the big kid section for the first time. I just can’t believe it. When you’re pregnant you never picture having a 4 1/2 year old. You only picture that snuggly newborn. But they grow up, too quickly I might add, and soon you’re shopping across the way where the big boys shop.
So, some big milestones for both my boys. It seems unreal to have a four and a 1/2-year-old and an almost three-year-old. I’m so glad they are healthy and growing. But at the same time, this mama’s heart longs for a newborn again. Oh, I love my boys so much it hurts.
I’m not one to buy into the whole school picture thing. But guys? When I saw these? I about died from a cuteness overdose. Seriously, how cute are my kids? I ended up buying a bunch even though they are kinda cheesy. I couldn’t help myself.
Yesterday was awful. One of my worst days as a mother ever.
If you’ve been around for awhile then you know that going to the dentist with Landon is challenging. Actually, that’s the understatement of the century. He hates the dentist. He is terrified. It all stems from his accident last year. But when I was in dental assistant school I was finally able to get him to open his mouth to do a cleaning and the dentist found two cavities. I felt really guilty at first but it turns out he has an enamel defect, which causes him to be more susceptible to cavities.
I knew having to go to the dentist to get fillings would be awful. We went back to the dentist where he had his tooth pulled and I had no idea how it was going to go. At first it was pretty tough. He didn’t want to keep the nitrous oxide on his nose so we couldn’t get him calmed down. But sure enough it worked and they were able to do the filling.
Yesterday was different. We went back to do the second filling and for whatever reason he just wasn’t having it. He was screaming bloody murder so the whole office could hear. He was sweating profusely and just looking at me with terror in his big eyes. He kept screaming, “Help me, mama! Help me!” Not even the nitrous oxide would help this time.
Then the dentist said he would need to be sedated and I just lost it. I ended up yelling at the dentist because I told them that this wouldn’t work from the get-go and I didn’t want to put him through all this trauma. I grabbed Landon and I rushed out of the building.
It was not my best moment.
But then for some reason, as Landon was still bawling, I yelled at him! I think I was just out of my mind after listening to him scream for 10 minutes straight. It was traumatic for us both.
Now I feel so guilty. I bawled my eyes out for an hour and couldn’t get it off my mind. I still can’t. Sometimes I wonder if they should have a different mom. One who doesn’t lose her temper. What kind of model am I setting for them. Will what happened yesterday shape him as an adult? Am I totally over-thinking this? Why do I have to have such a bad temper? Most the time I’m able to squash it and be a loving, caring mom. But sometimes it’s just too much.
I called the dentist office and apologized. I told them that I was upset he had to go through all this trauma and I’m sorry for taking it out on the dentist. The office manager said that they all understood and I’m not the first parent to get upset.
I felt better and finally took the step to get him signed up for sedation. This is what has to be done to save his tooth. I’m so devastated that he has to be sedated but at this point there is no other option.
I feel so ashamed. Can God give me grace for yesterday? Sometimes I’m not so sure. And now I will continue to beat myself up over this day for weeks – even months. I know I’ll never let myself forget it. That’s just me. I remember every really bad day. I won’t lie, it weighs heavily on me.
I’m so happy to be co-hosting Toddle Along Tuesday with Melissa from Growing Up Geeky. She just had a new baby girl so you’ll want to check her out! Today’s topic is about birth order. You could talk about how you think birth order has affected your personality when it comes to your siblings or how it has affected your kids. Write about it and then come back to link up!
When I was pregnant for the second time with Brigham I wondered how he would be different than Landon. Landon was so used to getting all of our attention. How would a second baby affect his personality and would Brigham’s personality differ?
Sure enough when Brigham was born we learned that they were, in fact, very different people with very different personalities. From the get-go, Brigham let everyone know that he wanted all the attention. His screaming and screeching was evident of that. To this day, he knows what he wants and tries to get it oftentimes through manipulation.
Landon rarely ever cried as a baby. He was happy as a clam as long as he was fed and dry.
There are constant studies being done to research how birth order affects children. I googled it and found an article on parents.com that shed some light on this topic.
A few traits that caught my eye and had me nodding in agreement:
First Born:
Cautious
Controlling
Act like mini-adults
Structured
Achievers
I mean, this is Landon. It just so is.
Last Born:
Manipulative
Outgoing
Attention-seeker
Spontaneous
Again, this is Brigham. It just so is.
Aside from birth order, they say parenting differs depending on when a child is born. We say we love our kids the same amount, which is so true for me. But do we parent them differently in order of birth? I tend to think that might be true. Both my kids sometimes need separate measures taken because they respond differently to discipline.
So what do you think? Do you think birth order is a big factor in a child’s personality? Do you think you’re different because of your birth order?
This week’s Toddle Along Tuesday topic is birth order! Has it affected your kids’ personalities, or yours? Is there any truth to that philosophy in your experience? There are no rules here, except that you link up a relevant post (old or new) rather than your whole blog.
My kids. They are just so big. Sometimes I can’t believe that I have a preschooler AND a toddler. How did this happen? Where are my newborns?
There are times when I see glimpses of what their faces looked like when they were only just born. Like when I tickle Landon’s neck. Holy heck does he look like baby Landon when I do that.
Or when Brigham’s lips pout when he’s sleeping. Or when he cries. It’s baby Brigham again.
There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t thank God for these blessings. My life is so rich. So full with them in it. They are the gifts that I open every day.
I think God for their health. There was a time when Brigham had a lot of trouble breathing. He just sometimes seemed like he couldn’t catch his breath. And the doctors told us that he might have asthma. But if you could see him now! No breathing problems or sickness. God is so good.
That I have a strong son who can do this . . .
It’s amazing isn’t it? I’m feeling so grateful.
*Thank you to everyone who read my post yesterday. My blog had the most views it has ever had with record breaking numbers visiting the site. Thank you for every share, every tweet, every kind thought and prayer sent out to these precious children. More people saw it. Now more people know their story. It truly means the world to me.
Halloween was so much fun this year! Last year, Brigham was only 18-months-old and was riding around in a stroller. This year, watch out! They are both on the loose and ready for candy!
We always go to my sister’s house and trick or treat in their neighborhood. Piping hot chili for dinner and candy bars for dessert 
I love Halloween!
Captain America, ready to save you from harm!
Gold power ranger and Captain America!
The whole crowd including my nephew Harrison as an astronaut and my niece Charlotte as Cinderella!
Naaman with Baby Charlotte.
Let’s get this show on the road!
Brigham was so into it this year. Last year he was in a stroller! But this year he could have gone to a hundred houses if we would have let him.
Trick or treat!
The policeman handing out treat bags.
Brigham enjoying his loot. He wanted to eat everything that night!
Landon chowing down on a candy bar!
Can’t wait to see what my boys will be next year!
It was a balmy 84 degrees with big gusts of wind that blew my hair from side to side. I heard it was going to turn off cold the next day so after dinner I told the boys we would go outdoors and savor what was left of the day. I grabbed my camera and I followed them up the street, feet pounding in front of me begging to “catch up, mama!”
I pointed to the big dirt pile, there because more houses are being built in our neighborhood. “Let’s go up there,” I said as we trudged through the overgrown grass. They jumped over and through until we came upon it. One of their favorite places to play.
They immediately climbed to the top and my mama heart had to let go a little as the crumbling dirt slipped beneath their feet.
Brigham brought his Hulk toy along with him, Hulk-smashing it while watching his brother’s every move. I envy the fact that he is still not afraid of anything. I wish I could be more like that.
The sky boasted brilliant orange and pink colors while still being overcast. It felt like we were witnessing some type of nature show.
The moon peeked out at us whispering it was time to go back inside.
I want them to grow up with dirt on their hands and cheeks and know that it’s okay to play freely. I may tense up when I notice their dusty new tennis shoes. But my heart says, let them play. They’re just kids.
Landon entertained me with poses, something that doesn’t often happen because, well, he’s four and he’s too busy to stop what he’s doing to smile at the camera.
But on this night, with the grand finale sunset spreading pink and orange across the sky, he smiled. For me. And I caught the weight of his four-year-old happiness in the gloaming hour.
Don’t ever change, I thought. Keep smiling and climbing and keep your heart just the way it is. Young and playful.
Winter is coming. It’s not far behind. But I want to remember this night. Just me with a camera. And two boys playing in the dirt at dusk.
These two stinkers. They love to wrestle each other and even take off their shirts to make it more authentic. But just when you think they’re playing a little too rough. They take a minute to hug it out.
Life is certainly good with these two around.
We headed out on Sunday for our annual trip to the pumpkin patch. It seems we go somewhere different each year but that’s okay because we like to switch things up. It was a gorgeous fall day. Temps were in the high sixties and there was a nice chill in the wind. Sun was shining down and it would have been absolutely perfect if I hadn’t had an allergy attack that left my eyes crying the entire time we were there! But it was good family fun all around.
Playing in the corn.
Not quite big enough for this yet but he tried it anyway.
He thinks he’s big stuff!
I was SO PROUD of Landon for doing the zip line (twice!). He never would have done this last year. He’s getting brave!
Ride ‘em cowboy!
Jumping on hay bales is super fun!
First time riding a pony. He never would have done this either. My boy is growing up.
Brigham was so excited. He kept saying, “I ride the horsie!”
Getting a good picture of these two together is tough. This is the best we could do this year.
Cheese!
Happy Fall, y’all!
See previous pumpkin patch adventures: 2009, 2010, 2011
