If you could have one day to do anything you wanted - child free – how would you spend your day?

Ahhhh, the elusive child-free day. Haven’t seen one in awhile. Honestly, after the last couple of weeks we’ve had I would just like to sleep. All day. But I will elaborate to make my answer more interesting.

Pretty white-sand beach. Two beach chairs for Naaman and I with an umbrella to block the sun. Frozen pina colada in my hand. Gossip magazines {without Landon ripping out the pages before I read the story on whether or not Jessica Simpson is fat}. Warm breezes. Waves crashing. And a fancy hotel room to retreat to when the sun starts to set. Order room service. Watch a movie or two. Lights out.

What do you love most about being a mom?

So much. There aren’t even words to describe how much I love being a mom. And since I used to be one of those girls who thought she didn’t want kids . . . it still surprises me. I am overwhelmed by how much love I have for my boys. It still sneaks up on me and hits me like a freight train!

Here are a few things I love right now . . .

I love bath time. It’s one of the things that only I do with my boys. I have always given Landon his baths and I love watching him splash about in the tub. I am usually soaked by the time it ends. But I don’t care. He’s happy. I’m happy.

Checking on them at night. Yep, I’m one of those moms. Sometimes I will be fast asleep but will suddenly be jarred awake. It’s a feeling. A proverbial tap on the shoulder by who knows? But I wake up and I am overwhelmed with a powerful instinct to look into the bassinet or go check on Landon in the next room. It’s always been like this. It’s certainly not every night. But if I am awakened I can’t go back to sleep until I go look in on him. Once I am in there sometimes I stay. I stay by his bedside and I watch him sleep and I watch his chest rise up and down while brushing his sweaty bangs off his forehead. It might sound strange to outsiders. But I have never felt more at peace in my entire life than when I am watching my babies sleep.

This obviously hasn’t happened with Brigham yet but I am getting a real kick out of the things that come out of Landon’s little mouth. It is hilarious. Sometimes he is pee-your-pants funny. He speaks in full sentences now and it cracks me up how polite he is. You give him a drink and he says, “Thanks, mama.” You give him a hug or a kiss and he says, “Thanks, mama.” He says please too. I’m telling you, it’s the best when they start to really talk to you!

I love nursing Brigham. It is such a special bond. I was absolutely devasted when I couldn’t breastfeed Landon. I wept for days and I mourned for months. Hell, I still sometimes feel bad about it when I’m nursing Brigham. But I wouldn’t trade this experience for anything. Brigham can be a very fussy baby at times. But if nothing else will calm him down I can get him latched on and he instantly chills out. His eyelids grow heavy. His head and neck get sweaty. He places his warm hand on my chest as if to “hold on.” I love hearing those tiny little swallows and tiny little sighs of relief. And when he falls asleep and pulls off there is always one little trickle of milk left on the corner of his mouth that dribbles down his chin. So I wipe it off and watch my sweet sweet Brigham sleep soundly.

But in more general terms, the thing I love most about being a mom {and probably the most surprising} is how much confidence it has given me. I have screwed up a lot of things in my life. But this mom thing? I’m good at it. I strive to be a good mom. It’s the most important role of my life. I am constantly asking myself if I’m making the best decisions for them. If I’m giving them the best of me. Am I perfect? Heck no. But the point is I try really hard. And I like the confident woman I’ve become since these little men have come into my life.

Do you guys want more kids?

Two people asked this question. This is also a commonly asked question off the blog. Whether you knew it or not it’s a loaded question.

Naaman’s answer: No
Molly’s answer: Yes

I should probably just rephrase the question so as not to cause an argument between the mister and I.

Will you have more kids?

Naaman’s answer: No
Molly’s Answer: No

Now you may be thinking why didn’t we discuss the whole number-of-kids thing before marriage? Well, that wouldn’t have held up anyway because before we got married our numbers matched. We both wanted one child and if things had happened as planned I wouldn’t even know what it’s like to be pregnant yet! I was thinking we would try to conceive when I was 32 or 33. Note: I’ll be 32 in less than three months. So much for that plan!

Because my friends started getting knocked up. And then I started visiting them after birth and holding these tiny human beings who looked up at me with big bright eyes. I swear they were whispering, “you need to be a mom.” I tried to sweep the longing under the rug until I was about to be hospitalized with baby fever. That is, until one fateful night when we both discussed it and agreed we were ready to make a baby. Enter the wonderment that is our son Landon Neil.

And then there was that other fateful night on our third anniversary when we made a baby without knowing we made a baby. Enter Brigham Douglas. The most wonderful and beautiful “oops” in the entire world. I am so glad my birth control failed that night.

Suddenly, I’m a mom of two amazing kids. And holy heck, I love being a mom more than I ever thought possible. And I wouldn’t mind going all Duggar on my husband if I didn’t think he’d escape to Mexico before he’d let that happen.

Only he won’t have to. Because when I bring up this subject he always reminds me that there’s all this practical crap to think about. Like paying for daycare for three kids {seriously, how does anyone afford it?} and buying a big enough car to hold three car seats and can our tiny refrigerator house the four gallons of milk that it would take to quench the thirst of three growing boys {oh yes, #3 would be a boy too}? And three 529 plans for college? I might faint. All jokes aside . . . kids are expensive, my friends. We can’t just go making babies all willy-nilly. Well, you can. But I don’t recommend it.

But even after discussing all that, I still know that a third child would bring so much joy and love into our home. I know this because I’ve already done it. Twice. I know the third time would be amazing too. But I also know that it would add stress to our marriage. We’re already strapped for time. It’s difficult to focus on each other when we’re pulled in two different directions taking care of two kids with different temperaments. We try to carve out time for a date night here and there. But they are few and far between right now. We have a two-year-old and an almost five-month-old. It’s to be expected.

Together, Naaman and I can offer four hands to our two boys. We can split duties. One takes Landon and one takes Brigham. Then SWITCH. This pattern is happening a lot these days. And it’s a nice routine now. Not sure how the logistics would work with another.

I know many people make it work. For instance, my mom had four girls {don’t think I don’t ask her how she did it all.the.time}. I love my two babies more than anything but you guys? I am exhausted.

I get kind of giddy when I think about a time they’ll both be potty trained.
I get kind of excited when I think we might be able to resume adults-only travel.

But also . . .

I get kind of sad when I think about the fact that I’ll never be pregnant again.
I get kind of weepy when I think about the possibility of pink in our house and realize there will never be a little Piper Rebecca

But people can change their minds. Plans can be altered. I still feel like I’m young enough to have another child. But I’m not going to force Naaman to do something he doesn’t want to do.

And really. Look at my boys! How can I not feel satisfied with the two beautiful lives we’ve already created? They bring us so much happiness it is unreal. If I only have two than I am blessed. Twice.

So two it is. Yes, definitely two. I think.

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