Heartsick

Brigham was up early yesterday morning. Like 5:30 a.m. early. So I brought him to bed with me and put on a show for him to watch while I slept some more tried to wake up. Next thing I know he was puking on the floor and crying out for me because little ones get confused when their tummy brings it all back up. I quickly took him into the bathroom as he continued to vomit. I knew then it would be a rough day. My mother-in-law was there to take care of them. But I’m his mama. It should be me holding him tight when he’s sick, shouldn’t it?

I text my boss and told her I would be late. When really I wished I could say – I won’t be in . . . ever.

It’s days like yesterday that make me resentful. It’s days like yesterday that make me want to throw in the towel and never leave my babies ever. I didn’t want to leave. But I eventually had to make myself.

On the ride to work I was mad. Mad that my mind had to be elsewhere when really it was nowhere else but with Brigham. I started thinking of all the reasons I can’t be a stay at home mom. It is our fault. It is because of some of our stupid decisions that I don’t have the freedom to hold him when he’s sick. I sit there and I wish, I wish, I wish for a different path because this one involves working hard every day of my life. Working away memories that will never be made.

I try not to think this way. I try to remain grateful for where I am in this life. There is a reason for it. But when I think that we are the reason, well, it cuts me open because we could have made different choices. Could’a, should’a, would’a. Those kind of thoughts suck.

Before I left yesterday Brigham held onto me and said, “Stay with me, mama.”

I choked down the lump in my throat and told him I couldn’t. I left him there on the sofa and walked away heartsick and wishing.

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Silence

It feels totally weird to have no posts on my blog for more than a week. But I have a good excuse!

On Memorial Day my throat started to hurt when I swallowed. I knew it was a bad sign. On Tuesday morning it was worse and I was feeling feverish so I headed to the minute clinic where they diagnosed me with strep throat AND a sinus infection AND an ear infection! Yikes.

So I got some antibiotics and headed home to rest for the day. I called my boss and told her I would probably be in the next day. I indulged in popsicles and the entire second season of Downton Abbey (pretty much obsessed with this show).

But unfortunately, by the next day I was much worse. Puking and fever and feeling like I was going to die. I fell asleep about every two hours. It’s like my body would do nothing but sleep, which I’m sure it needed. I quarantined myself to the bedroom and did not see the boys. I didn’t want them to catch it!

Long story short I was miserably sick from Tuesday to Friday. On Friday I had the worst migraine headache I’ve ever had. In fact, it lasted for over 24 hours. I was writhing in pain praying for God to let it ease up.

Finally on Saturday I was able to get out of bed. I finally saw my boys after four days! And although I had no appetite I was finally able to stomach some crackers after four days of no food.

Thank God for my husband who held it all together while I was bedridden.

So that explains my absence. Hopefully I won’t experience any setbacks and I’ll have a full recovery soon!

Thanks for hanging in there with me while I get back to the grind.

chicken noodles for the sick toddler soul

Briggy was a sickie yesterday. He woke up on Saturday night with a high fever and an upset stomach. Some type of virus, I guess. He was not himself the next morning. He would not budge from my lap and just wanted to be cuddled. It was cold and windy outside so we nuzzled into each other and sunk into the couch.

He wouldn’t eat or drink anything, which was obviously worrisome. I figured I might as well try to fix him something for lunch. And then I remembered that I needed to review a Marie Callender’s meal. I had both a pot pie and the chunky chicken noodle meal. Well, who couldn’t use some chicken and noodles when they’re sick? I also wasn’t feeling great since I was up all night and it was the only thing that sounded yummy to me. You can either microwave or bake them in the oven but I decided to microwave it because it’s less time and work.

Sure enough, my sick toddler was scarfing down the warm noodles! Brigham loves to eat and it made me feel much better to finally get something in his stomach.

I ate mine pretty fast too. It was the perfect meal for a cold (and sick) Sunday. I shouldn’t have been so surprised. I’ve bought Marie Callender’s pot pies before and they are wonderfully scrumptious. Naaman is a pot pie kind of guy.

Just look at all the different pot pie varieties they have:

Chicken Pot Pie
Turkey Pot Pie
Beef Pot Pie
Creamy Mushroom Chicken Pot Pie
Creamy Parmesan Chicken Pot Pie
Honey Roasted Chicken Pot Pie
Cheesy Chicken Pot Pie

So on a cold winter’s day, Brigham went down for a long nap with a full tummy and woke up a little happier. I think the sentiment is correct. Comfort foods like chicken noodles really do help you feel better when you’re sick.

Y3W: Go away, MRSA!

Naaman has another MRSA infection. I was trying to figure out how many this equals. But I’ve lost count. Isn’t that scary?

Last month, he had an open sore on his lower abdomen, which healed on its own. But now it’s on his face. We think it started with a small pimple next to his lip and before too long – his lip and cheek were hard, swollen and red with infection.

He works as a nurse at a hospital and asked one of the surgeons there to drain it for him. He also got antibiotics. It’s looking much better.

But you want the truth? I am terrified.

His first MRSA infection happened nearly three years ago when Landon was only 6-weeks-old. I remember sitting by his hospital bed as he talked in his sleep, high on a morphine drip. I remember helping him to the bathroom and how he could barely walk from the pain. I remember him crying because he woke up scared and alone in the hospital. I was at my parents house taking care of our brand new son wondering when his daddy would hold him again.

I cannot believe that we are still dealing with this. Three years later. When will it end? It seems there isn’t an answer even though he has been to an infectious disease specialist. It looks like we’ll be headed back there soon.

MRSA is a terrifying staph infection that can be deadly if it gets into the bloodstream. Do me a favor and DO NOT GOOGLE IT. Unless you want to lose your appetite for the day.

The scary thing is – Naaman has had multiple infections. I had it last summer. I’m pretty sure Landon has had it too.

I don’t feel like we’re safe from this no matter what we do. And that’s just not fair.

More importantly? How dare this freaking super bug try to mess up my husband’s perfect, beautiful face! Right before we are supposed to have our family summer photo shoot!

Stop it, MRSA! I said, STOP IT!

 

Can you think of three words on this Friday? Link up at Jenni’s blog!

my week in iphone photos

A few of my blog friends have been doing this meme for awhile. I take a lot of photos with my iphone but no one ever sees them so I figured, hey, why not?! Hopefully I’ll be better at remembering which photos were taken on what day. But I can promise nothing.

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Progress is being made in different rooms of our new house. Sloooow progress. Here’s a sneak peek of the boy’s new colorful playroom!

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The first coat of orange paint is up in Landon’s room. I’m gonna be honest and say that I’m not sure orange was the best choice. My nose was pretty scrunched up as I painted. But for the love of all that is holy, I’m gonna press on (possibly while wearing sunglasses), finish the second coat and hope it grows on me. For the record? Landon loves it.

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The boys continue to surprise me with their new cool places they find to play. This precipitated a trip to the babies r us safety section. Good times.

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Hello, lovahs. Our new washer/dryer set arrived. Not only does it clean clothes. But it is super pretty and makes cool sounds when it’s done. It also has a cold water sanitize setting that uses 92% less energy. This wanna-be crunchy mama is happy!

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Severe weather including multiple tornado warnings managed to scare the shit out of everyone in our city and the Midwest as a whole. I am still having trouble accepting that a town two hours south of us was ripped to shreds. Word that a 16-month-old little boy was killed had me breaking down at work. I have hugged my kids a little tighter this week that is for sure.

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It was nice to see a rainbow at the end of the week.

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I met some wonderful bloggers from kansas city on Friday! I was chosen for a wendy’s promotion and it ended up being really fun to meet some local moms who blog (more on this tomorrow!).

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We celebrated my dad’s retirement from teaching at a classic Kansas City restaurant called The Majestic. A live jazz band played including a cornet player, which just happens to be my dad’s instrument! Perfect. The steak was freaking amazeballs.

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Then it was off to the AMC theater movie suites. I had never been here before but it was awesome! We sat in huge leather recliners and I got to put my feet up the whole movie! Also? Hangover 2 is hilariously inappropriate. Two thumbs up!

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The next day the brigs and I weren’t feeling well. We had a wave of the vomits come through our household this past week. First Naaman, then Landon & lastly me and the Brigs. Thank the Lord it was short-lived so we can enjoy the rest of our long holiday weekend.

p.s. who knows how to get the smell of barf out of carpet? Please and thanks.

Did you take any photos on your phone this week? Well then, link up silly!